2007 - THE AWAKENING CENTER

2007 Newsletters

April-May 2007

Table of Contents:

The Awakening Center has a New Home and New Staff
Protecting the Kid Within – Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
What is Nutrition Counseling – Jennifer Reiner, MS, RD, LD
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Gulin Guneri-Minton, PsyD

June-August 2007

Table of Contents:

The Awakening Center has a New Home and New Staff
You’re Too Sensitive! – Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Managing Food and Mood – Susan Witz, RD, LD
You Can Make A Difference…
Food Myth vs Food Fact – Jennifer Reiner, MS, RD, LD
Support: A Vital Component to Recovery – Jenn Schurman, MA, LPC
Is DBT for Me? (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) – Gulin Guneri-Minton, PsyD
Self-Care and the Seasons: According to the Five Elements of Chinese Medicine – Dr. Mari Richko, MA, ND, LCPC
Healing From Trauma – Erin Diedling, MEd, LCPC

The Awakening Center Has a New Home and New Staff!

It is an exciting time for The Awakening Center! When I founded The Awakening Center in 1994, I started with a vision based on my passion of helping women and men find their sense of Self, to “discover the person they were meant to be”. Thirteen years later, The Awakening Center needed more space. I was lucky enough to find a new suite of offices only blocks away, 3523 N Lincoln—just south of Addison—with good parking and close to the Brown Line “L”.

The Awakening Center’s staff has also made exciting changes. Several new therapists and nutritionists have been added, while others have moved on. Our new team is dedicated to providing sound therapeutic interventions, with a wholistic and mindful approach. Our new space allows us to have many more groups, classes and workshops. See our current calendar for upcoming groups and services. Please check our website for updated information.

For several more weeks we’ll be putting the finishing touches to make The Awakening Center as welcoming and peaceful as possible. We’ll be offering introductory workshops just so you can stop in, meet our new team and see our new home!

Namasté,
Amy Grabowski

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You’re Too Sensitive!
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC

Editor’s Note: Amy is in the process of writing a book about recovering from eating disorders, which she expects to be published this year. You can read previous excerpts on our website : www.awakeningcenter.net/newsletter

….“Don’t be so sensitive!” How many times have you heard that!?

Since empathy and sensitivity are both right brain qualities, when left-brainers don’t feel things physically or emotionally they don’t believe that you do. “I’m not scared so you shouldn’t be either. You’re just too sensitive.” Left-brainers are also unable to be sensitive to the impact of their words on the right-brainer. The frustration is that there is no appropriate “come back” to a left-brainer. “You’re too insensitive” doesn’t have the same “sting” to it. (It is in my own humble “right-brained” opinion that the world needs more sensitive people. It would be hard to start a war if you were sensitive to the fact that each soldier has a family who loves him/her. It would be hard to hate another person if you could empathize with their pain. So now when someone says to me, “You’re too sensitive.” I say, “Thank you.”)

Most of the time even reading or hearing the word ‘sensitive’, can feel like a kick in the gut. It carries such judgment and negative connotations; it feels like a very negative trait to have, as if our reactions are inaccurate. Like Taylor said, “Mom’s screaming didn’t seem to bother anyone else, like getting used to living next to a noisy airport. I always wondered, why I couldn’t. What’s wrong with me?”

Sensitivity is not a negative trait. Sensitive people are more empathic, the natural talent to know what other people are feeling, and the ability to walk in that person’s shoes. We have tact when dealing with others and treat others with genuine warmth and caring; we would make great ambassadors, diplomats, ministers, and other professions that require these skills. It is what makes me a natural for my career choice as a psychotherapist. Combined with our creative visual nature, many of my clients are artists, musicians, actors, and writers. In earlier times or in primitive societies a creative person with sensitive intuitive radar may have been a respected shaman or venerated as a sage.

According to Elaine N. Aron in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, roughly thirty percent of any population (flamingos, squirrels, zebras, humans) is more sensitive than the rest. Imagine a herd of zebras grazing in a field. The sensitive zebras will detect subtle signs of movement off in the distance and will alert the rest of the herd to run away from danger. Think about what would happen if 100% of the herd was sensitive? The movement of one zebra lifting its head would alert all the zebras and start a stampede! Conversely, if none of the zebras were sensitive, a lion would be able to walk right up to the herd and attack them without anyone noticing.

Sensitive people are special that we have the ability to protect the “herd”. Unlike zebras, which always want danger pointed out, humans often want to ignore danger. Family systems can be set up around denying problems – remember what I said before about “Don’t rock the boat!” It’s not just the sensitivity that causes the problem. It’s the combination of sensitivity and the invalidating environment that causes a conflict inside. If you are sensitive and the environment is validating, there is no conflict. Let’s imagine being brought up by Mr. Rogers – you know the kid’s show on PBS. When something upset you, he would respond in that wonderfully calming voice, “People can like you just the way you are. Bad things sometimes happen to good people…”

Conversely if you were insensitive to an invalidating environment you may not have noticed it, or if you did you would be able to let it roll off your back. Your siblings may not have “felt” the problems in your environment as sensitively as you did. (Although don’t assume they didn’t. Many of my clients have siblings who are deeply troubled, but did not turn to an eating disorder for help. Even the sisters or brothers who seem to have their act together can be hurting inside too.)

In addition to being sensitive, people with eating disorders often are outspoken. Maybe because of our sensitivity we notice more that is going on, more attuned to the environment, see the subtle nuances of others behavior and mood. Because we are also acutely attuned to our own internal sensations and feelings, often to cope with these feelings we need to say something, which is not always met with positive results. (Although some were able to notice but not say it aloud.)

I often will read the old story The Emperor’s New Clothes to my clients. You remember the story: The Emperor and all his subjects are tricked into pretending that he is wearing “clothing so fine that only a fool could not see them”. It took the wisdom of a child, an outspoken perceptive child, to speak out, “The Emperor has no clothes” for the sham to come tumbling down! I ask my clients to imagine the Emperor’s reaction to the child’s remark. Do you think he said, “Thank you my child for exposing the sham”? I highly doubt it! I’m sure that he would have rather the child kept her mouth shut to save him the public humiliation.

If a family doesn’t want to acknowledge that ‘the Emperor is naked’, the child’s perception and outspoken-ness causes conflicts with the family patterns of denial, “Don’t rock the boat! We don’t talk about certain things.” If a child is sensitive to the environment and notices that when Daddy comes home late he’s drunk and mean, she may get put down for this. She may be asking questions that the family would prefer not to be asked. And when she gets upset because of a problem in the family that others are trying to deny, she hears, “Don’t be so sensitive.”

We’ve been brought up to be good little girls (and boys); good little children never speak up, never get angry, are pretty and cute. Good little children are always nice and do what others want. Good little children never say, “No, I don’t want to kiss Aunt Maybelle, she’s an old crab!” Oh no! If we speak up, others won’t like it; we might make others mad and then they won’t like us. We had to silence our voice and sacrifice our Self for others. And if we don’t have the choice to say “No” then we never learned the skills, resources and tools necessary to negotiate what life dishes out. Like the passengers on that runaway bus from chapter 1, we are at the mercy of the whims of our family! Life feels like a very dangerous and out of control place.

By sacrificing our Selves, by silencing our voice, we took away our power. Power is having a voice and a choice! Many times our voice was silenced because we were not encouraged to use it. In many homes, we didn’t have a choice – it was not safe to say “No.” In other homes, the choice was made for us; we didn’t have control over our own lives. Without a voice and a choice, we were powerless – you swallow your voice, you sacrifice your Self and you give Aunt Maybelle a kiss because that’s what good little children do….

Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC founded The Awakening Center in 1994. She continues to see clients for individual and group therapy.

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Managing Food and Mood
Susan Witz, RD, LD

For most of us, food represents far more than nutrients that provide energy, build bones, make muscles or enhance immunity. Special meals or foods are associated with celebration, ritual, status, entertainment and comfort. Food can also be used to numb or stuff down feelings of anxiety, anger, sadness, boredom or loneliness. When stressed, food seems to be our good friend, always giving without asking for anything back. But eventually it can turn on us in the form of health and emotional problems. If the underlying emotional or behavioral issues are not resolved, eating problems will continue.

We are bombarded with mixed messages in the media to both eating and be thin. We see ads for rich or sugary treats, which are followed by infomercials for ab-crunchers or diet potions. We alternate late night snacks and business lunches, with fad diets and trips to the health club. The 90-95% failure rate of most weight-loss programs is well-documented. Weight may be lost initially, but be quickly regained – ultimately more weight than was originally lost.

The hardest part of any program is making permanent changes in lifestyle, attitude and behavior. You may find the following strategies helpful in overcoming excessive or unhealthy eating.

Keep a daily diary to research your relationship with food. Uncover all of the factors in your life that affect what, how much and how often you eat or drink anything. Become intensely interested in the patterns and influences that shape your eating behavior. Be a consultant to yourself, and assess the current reality, even if you do not like what you see. Get the whole picture before you attempt to make any changes. Look at how hurry, worry, boredom, loneliness, frustration, procrastination, illness, fatigue, significant others, exercise, skipping meals, lack of planning or grocery shopping, alcohol consumption, business travel, holidays and vacations affect how you eat.

The more understanding you have of your current behaviors and attitudes, the more skilled you become in developing strategies to shape new and healthier habits.

Make the food/brain connection. According to Dr. Judith Wurtman, foods can affect our moods. When protein is eaten alone, the level of the amino acid tyrosine is raised. This produces the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, leading to increased alertness without satisfying cravings. When carbohydrates are eaten alone, the level of the amino acid tryptophan is increased, leading to the production of a different neurotransmitter, serotonin. This fosters a feeling of relaxation and tranquility, with cravings satisfied. When protein and carbohydrates are eaten together, both tyrosine and tryptophan are increased, but tyrosine dominates. Alertness is increased, but cravings are not satisfied. When fat and carbohydrates are eaten together, there is no feeling of alertness, and the feeling of tranqulity is minimal compared to eating carbohydrates alone. Chocolate is in a category of its own, like sex. It does not produce tranquility or alertness, but pure pleasure!

Identify your " behavior chains" and dismantle them. No behavior occurs in a vacuum. No matter how negative or harmful a behavior is, we wouldn't be doing it if we were not getting some reward, however small or temporary it may be. We need to identify the triggers that lead to the behavior, as well as the rewards that reinforce it. For example, you may come home from work stressed and tired. You come in through the kitchen door and see cookies in the jar on the counter. You eat several cookies and briefly feel relaxed. Soon you feel guilty or anxious because you feel you “ruined” your whole day. Feeling discouraged, you throw in the towel and proceed to eat the rest of the cookies.

This chain can be broken in several ways; not buying cookies, or by storing them out of sight, having cut-up veggies or a fruit bowl ready for healthy snacking, turning to a friend for consolation or support rather than a jar of cookies, getting more rest, trying to remedy the stressful situation at work, taking yoga classes to reduce stress, and by finding other non-food rewards or comforts. It's crucial to find healthier ways of getting our needs met, other than heading for the cookie jar.

Become a Zen master of eating. If you're going to eat a gourmet meal, you should definitely be there to taste it! Eating while you read, work, drive, study, socialize or watch tv, leads to overeating and a lack of satisfaction because you're not really present to enjoy the food. Periodically have a mindful, silent, prayerful meal, slowly savoring each bite of food slowly, to fully experience the pleasure of eating. You will probably find that you eat less, have more satisfaction, and enjoy it more. Learn to distinguish between physical hunger, or emotional cravings.

Feed your hungry heart, mind and soul. Emotional, intellectual and spiritual longings can be confused with physical hunger. Food can never be a substitute for the cravings of the heart to love and be loved; or the thirst of the mind for knowledge and truth; and especially not for the longing of the soul for union with God, or yoga. Every time we attempt to satisfy our deepest needs with food we may be physically full, but remain inwardly starving. We can pray or meditate for divine assistance in the form of insight, guidance and grace.

If feelings of emptiness, sadness or depression persist in spite of your best efforts to help yourself, then seek out professional counseling. Not asking for help can worsen our problems and significantly delay our recovery. The unwillingness to obtain necessary support is part of the original issue, which is the failure to nourish, care for, love or honor ourselves. In order to begin to do this, we must at least, ironically, be able to admit that we need help in order to help ourselves! When we finally ask for help, we are already 50 percent healed.

As we learn to nourish ourselves, we are gradually able to create a peaceful and balanced relationship with food. This reconciliation finally frees us to permanently manage our weight and our well being.

Susan Witz, RD, LD, is a registered dietitian and yoga instructor. She was the Nutritional Director of the Heartland Spa for 20 years.

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You Can Make a
Difference...

Women and Children First, an independent bookstore in the Andersonville neighborhood of Chicago is struggling to survive. This bookstore is known for hosting famous writers: Maya Angelou, Amy Tan, Margaret Atwood, among others. Story Hour for children has been very well attended. In addition to their emphasis on feminist and children’s literature they have books of all genres.

But online book sites have hurt their sales from walk in customers. Co-owners Linda Bubon and Ann Christopher have taken drastic measures to save their store, but are seriously considering closing. They have renewed their lease for only one more year.

If you would like to support independent businesses in Chicago, please consider shopping for books at Women and Children First, 5233 N Clark, Chicago. Their phone number is (773)769-9299.

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Food Myth vs. Food Fact!
Jennifer Reiner, MS, RD, LD

Everyone believes that they are an expert when it comes to food, hunger and weight. But what do they really know? The diet industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that preys on our lack of knowledge about nutrition and physiology as well as our insecurities about our bodies all in an effort to make money. On a daily basis, we are bombarded with information and gimmicks that promise to solve all of our issues with food, hunger and weight. But did you know that much of the information that you see on TV, read in magazines or hear from your friends and family often is not true? Take a look at some of the most common food myths and the truth behind them.

Myth #1: The reason why I binge is because I am addicted to sugar.
Fact: There is no scientific evidence that sugar is an addicting substance.

Myth #2: Eating food that contains sugar in any amount will result in weight gain.
Fact: Food containing sugar can be included in a healthy diet when eaten in moderation and not result in weight gain. Excessive consumption of sugar can lead to certain health risks including dental caries. Excessive consumption of calories from ANY source of food (not specifically sugar) over a period of time will lead to weight gain.

Myth #3: I will be able to control my weight as long as I eat little or no food after 8 pm.
Fact: The time of day that you eat food has no significant impact on weight control. There is limited research suggesting that obese individuals lose weight slightly slower if they wait until late in the day to eat rather than distributing food intake over the course of the day. The reason for this may be attributed to that fact that these individuals ultimately eat more overall calories by choosing to wait to eat.

Myth #4: Using laxatives results in a significant decrease in calorie absorption.
Fact: Laxatives have a minimal effect on caloric absorption. Research suggests that only 10-12% of calories consumed are not absorbed with laxative use. A primary health risk associated with laxative use is dehydration, which is reflected on the scale as a decrease in weight. This perceived weight loss is only temporary and will rebound when the body is re-hydrated.

Myth #5: Excessive exercise prevents weight gain.
Fact: Small of amounts of exercise may result in decreased food intake, while large amounts of exercise will actually increase one’s appetite.

Myth #6: Eating red meat causes weight gain.
Fact: Red meat does not cause weight gain. Total caloric consumption, energy expenditure, and metabolic rate determine if a person will gain weight. Most types of red meat contain more calories per ounce than skinless poultry or lean fish, some diet programs recommend eliminating them. However, eaten in moderation, red meat will not cause weight gain.

Myth #7: A diet consisting of primarily fruits and vegetables is a healthy vegetarian diet.
Fact: The body needs high-quality protein to maintain muscle integrity. A diet consisting of only fruits and vegetables will not provide enough high-quality protein or complex carbohydrate to ensure good health. In order to be healthy, a vegetarian must eat a well balanced diet that includes complex carbohydrates containing low-quality proteins that when combined in a complementary way is used by the body as a high-quality protein. Examples of food combinations providing complementary proteins are grains and milk products, grains and legumes, and legumes and seeds.

Myth #8: For each cup of coffee you drink (or other caffeinated beverage), you need to drink a cup of water.
Fact: While coffee does contain caffeine and while caffeine is a diuretic, you’re getting a lot of water along with that caffeine – which more than offsets any losses. While coffee is not as good as water at hydrating your body, it still contributes to your overall fluid intake – as do caffeinated sodas and tea. If you are a habitual coffee drinker, the body seems to adapt and minimize the dehydrating effects of caffeine.

Myth #9: You need to drink 8 cups of water a day to replace your body’s daily water losses.
Fact: How did this die-hard rumor get started? Most of us do indeed lose the equivalent of 8 to 11 cups of water from our body everyday through our breathing, sweating, and kidneys, but do we have to drink 8 cups of water to replace that loss? Did you know that most beverages and foods contribute to your water intake? Milk, soda, juice, and even caffeinated drinks all contribute to our water intake since they are made up almost completely of water. Many foods – especially fruits and vegetables – also contain lots of water and help replenish your losses. In fact, foods provide about 20% of our water intake every day. One more good reason to eat lots of fruits and vegetables!

Myth# 10: Eating at the salad bar rather than ordering the main meal results in consuming fewer calories.
Fact: Many people actually eat more calories at a salad bar than they would if they ordered a regular meal. Therefore the caloric intake of a meal at a salad bar depends on the choices that you make. Most salad bars offer high calorie items such as specialty salads, high calorie dressing, and high fat cheeses.

Jennifer Reiner, RD, LD is a Registered Dietitian with more than 10 years experience helping clients optimize their health through good nutrition. Her passion is to help those who struggle with ‘disordered” eating find peace with food.
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“Support: A Vital Component to Recovery”
Jennifer Schurman, MA, LPC

When an individual begins the process of recovering from an eating disorder the issue of sharing their struggle with family and friends is a challenge. Telling another about one’s eating disorder is essential in many ways as it is an unveiling of the secrets, shame, and silence that anorexia and bulimia thrive in. While an individual struggling with an eating disorder can recognize the benefit of having support and encouragement, disclosing an eating disorder is often complicated. In revealing an eating disorder there is apprehension as the many possibilities of another’s reaction can seem overwhelming. Will the person judge me? Will they begin to scrutinize my eating? Will they try to fix me? Will they blame me or think I am a weak person? Although the anxiety can be immense, sharing the struggle with an eating disorder is a crucial step in the process of recovery. Furthermore, often individuals are amazed by how different the reactions from loved ones are from their previous fears and anxieties.

The decision is not always simple as those the individual chooses to share it with and the timing in their recovery often influence the satisfaction in including supporters in the process of recovery. In considering who, when, and how to share one’s struggle with an eating disorder it is essential to determine what type of involvement or support one may desire. Many supporters may not know how to react or in what ways they can show their support and encouragement. Supporters may be uneducated, unaware, or even uncomfortable with the many aspects of living with an eating disorder and beginning the recovery process. Perhaps the best chance of effectively including supporters is to determine specific ways for others to express their support. While this may be a process of learning and take some time in establishing, giving supporters ideas and setting boundaries is critical. Furthermore, while working in creating this supportive relationship it is important for both individuals to be sensitive to one another and realize this too is a process that will involve honesty and compassion.

While those struggling with an eating disorder are surely suffering it is critical to be conscious that the suffering does not end there. Eating disorders inflict suffering on families, friends, spouses, and anyone else that witnesses the pain of a loved one struggling with an eating disorder. When seeking support an individual should be focusing on themselves and their recovery while also understanding that supporters may experience many emotions as well such as fear, worry, blame, confusion and helplessness. Being cognizant of the difficulties of being a supporter and realizing there is no one right or perfect way to show support relieves both individuals of the unrealistic ideal of quickly establishing a supportive relationship that is satisfactory to each person. Building a collaborative, supportive relationship requires time, honesty, and compassion. As this space of trust and safety cultivates the supportive relationship can truly begin to become a place of refuge in the journey to recovery. While including supporters in the process of recovering from an eating disorder can be a complex process the advantages of having others involved to offer encouragement, compassion, and acceptance can truly become a vital aspect of recovery. Supporters have a significant and profound impact on the recovery process when they offer a sound presence in the midst of the recovery journey and offer the acceptance and love individuals struggling with eating disorders are striving to show themselves.

* The weekly ANAD meetings provide support not only for individuals recovering from eating disorders but also a family and friend support group. Join us Tuesday evenings from 7:00-8:30.

Jenn Schurman, MA, LPC is trained in Marriage and Family Therapy.
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Is DBT for Me?
Gulin Guneri, PsyD

Will Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) help me? You can get an idea of whether it might be by taking the Emotion Management Quiz.
Answer these questions, yes or no.

It’s hard to calm myself down when I’m hurt or angry.
There are things I do to help me get through the day that I wish I could stop doing.
I do or say things in the heat of the moment that end up causing problems in relationships or at work.
I sometimes wish I didn’t have any feelings at all -- having feelings is a problem.
It seems like my emotions control me rather than the other way around.

If you answered “Yes” to one or more of these questions, you might find Dialectical Behavior Therapy helpful.

DBT offers the skills necessary for identifying, experiencing, and managing emotions. These are skills that can help you interact more effectively with yourself and with others. You can join the DBT Group at the beginning of any of the four units. See Page 3 for a detailed schedule.
For more info please read the FAQ’s about DBT at www.awakeningcenter.net/eatingdisorder/dialectical.htm .

To discuss whether DBT may be right for you, call Gulin at (773) 929-6262 ext 18.

Dr. Gulin Guneri, PsyD teaches at the Illinois School of Professional Psychology and the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She is a certified DBT therapist.

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Self-Care and the Seasons: According to the Five Elements of Chinese Medicine
Dr. Mari Richko, MA, ND, LCPC

Summer is nature’s season of growth and maturation. Flowers, gardens are growing all around us. It is also the time when we are equally maturing and growing…..it is a high point where we can make use of our time through exercise, sports, water therapy, and hikes in nature. We should make sure we get lots of adequate recreation and sunlight.

The Chinese health philosophy and its theory of the Five Elements give us a good awareness of this change, both in nature and in our bodies, which really matter to each other. Energy must stay in motion within us and in our life in order to continue to nourish us and create harmony.

We must learn to flow as nature does, through the seasons. Tension happens when we resist this flow, and illness can occur when we resist our changes. Illness is usually a process which makes us more receptive, more open to change. This “awareness” is a great value to teach us about ourselves and how to stay in balance.

The element associated with summer is fire and is governed by the heart and small intestine. On a mental health level, the heart is responsible for giving us the ability to rule and see things clearly, and touches us in a compassionate way. The small intestine serves to help us assimilation food and receive and digest the food. These two systems help us assimilate the things around us and separate what is pure and impure. It has been said they are like the official who guides the subjects in their joys and pleasures.
The emotions associated with this element are joy and sadness. Excessive joy or laughter, can be as damaging as excessive sadness.

Fire is the most active element and relates to the energy of creativity, intuition, and motion. It helps us manifest what we want in life.

Exercise, herbs, proper amounts of sun, and enjoyment are a key factor in balancing your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual self during the summer. It is a chance to be with yourself-your body, your feelings, your mind, breath, and environment. Make a deal with yourself and begin creating space for yourself today!

Dr. Mari Richko, MA, ND, LCPC is a licensed body-centered psychotherapist and nationally certified shiatsu therapist. She is an educator in Energy Medicine, life wellness programs, and practices different forms of holistic psychotherapy.

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Healing from Trauma
Erin Diedling, MEd, LPC

"Did you ever feel like you're healing for more than yourself?" I asked Laura years ago. Little did I know, those words would came back to me at a retreat years later.

Laura worked as a flight attendant; this was interesting because her father had died in a plane crash shortly before she was born. He was piloting an air force jet that crashed on the beach in front of the family, including her mother who was pregnant at the time.

In 1996, Laura was escorting families from their homes to a vigil for TWA flight 800 which crashed in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of New York. Laura shared her story to a widow traveling to the crash site with her two children. Laura told her that her mother remarried and she had a wonderful childhood. The mother passed her phone number to Laura and asked her to speak to her children. Laura still had the phone number when she explained to me that she was locked up; she could not call these children and tell them that their lives would be wonderful. Laura began to have recurring visions of her father's crash from his point of view in the cockpit, as if she saw what he saw as he was crashing.

Years later, my words to Laura came back to me. A year and a half after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I was facilitating a retreat for 40 flight attendants hosted by an organization call Spirit in Flight. I was in graduate school studying counseling at the time and also working as a flight attendant. Some of the flight attendants were meant to be on the doomed flights, but traded the trips with their close friends, their flying partners. Others were in the flight crew office and saw their fellow flight attendants that morning for the last time. There were flight attendants who were best friends with the fallen crew-members who became part of the crisis teams which escorted the family members of the victims.

The premise of the retreat was that at any one time, there is a community, a family of approximately 200,000 people in the skies, and the flight attendants are the keepers of the community. And the community, the family, had been wounded. At the time, there was a real hurry in the airline industry to get back to work and be normal again. Those who took time off from work, because they could not get on an airplane, did so in shame. It was a family secret and no one talked about it.

Trauma is an intricate dilemma. Those who experience post-traumatic stress have had their lives and/or safety threatened or perceived that their lives and/or safety were threatened and also felt fear, terror or a sense of being overpowered mentally, emotionally or physically. They may have:

imposing thoughts, or recall disturbing images
dreams, hallucinatory-like illusions, and flashbacks
sudden feelings as if the event is re-occurring in the moment
reactive behaviors to triggering thoughts or stimuli
sense of floating and an inability to connect physically and emotionally to one's environment

Trauma can cause the individual who experienced the event to:

dissociate from thoughts and feelings, "numb-out", and avoid the troubling stimuli
avoid or to fixate about people, places, images, words, scents, colors, sounds - any sensory items that bring reminders of the event
have gaps in memory around the event
isolate or detach
feel a lack of interest in previously enjoyable activities

Individuals who have been through a trauma may also find it difficult to concentrate, may become hyper-aroused, irritable, startle easily and find it difficult to sleep. These symptoms can impact family, social and work situations. Individuals who experience trauma can re-experience the place, the mindset, the emotions, even the specific physical sensations from the event. Often the purpose of these flashbacks is to heal. One of the flight attendants at the retreat had a difficult time entering the flight crew office where she most often saw her friend.

One of the interesting aspects of trauma is that it has less power once it's addressed.

At the retreat we each took turns answering three questions. What was the our experience working for the airline before 9-11? What was our experience working for the airlines during the events of 9-11? What is our experience working for the airline after 9-11? Even though I was not directly involved in 9-11, I realized the 3 questions unlocked places that had never been addressed around the events of this national tragedy.

What I witnessed at the retreat is difficult to describe. There was a definite a shift in energy and mindset. It was a forum for the crew-members to address the trauma, speak to it, find a voice and to take this profound healing out into the world to share with their flying community. They were healing for more than their individual selves. They were healing for their flying partners and their passengers. The deep family secret had been unearthed and addressed for the first time in a year and a half. There was a release of pain and a renewal.

Most importantly, the flight attendants at the retreat learned the importance of self-care. In order to do their jobs and to tend to their passengers, they needed to first tend to themselves. By finding a healing path to recovery, they were able to bring about healing in the flying community as well. The same is true for individuals who find the courage to address their own traumas. By caring for one’s self, we can care more for our communities.