2006 Newsletters
January–April 2006
Table of Contents:
Taming “The Bully”
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Editor’s Note: Amy is in the process of writing a book about recovering from eating disorders. This is the middle of a chapter about Taming the Bully.
…..If we get rid of the Bully, we would also get rid of the Mentor. Often when the Bully is dominant loud and nasty, you may not be aware of the Mentor. In her positive role, the Mentor manages, organizes and plans our day-to-day life. Think about all the different tasks that the Mentor does: paying bills, organizing schedules, planning social events, managing multiple project deadlines, figuring out finances, and juggling the upkeep of our cars, houses, possessions and our bodies. The list goes on. When something goes wrong, the Mentors tap into their creative thinking skills and take on the role of problem solver, in a non-judgmental non-critical way. In addition, the Mentors want to motivate us; they push us to learn, grow and to move forward in our lives. The Mentor helps us to live our lives with integrity and values. Their goal is for us to be the best we can be. In the long run, the Mentors want us to find fulfillment and meaning in our life.
Sometimes, when picturing the Mentor, a client will take the “non-judgmental non-critical” aspects to extreme as well. Imagine an ideal “Fairy Godmother” who would always let you off the hook, no matter what, without any responsibility or remorse, “That’s OK. You couldn’t help it. Don’t worry about it. You poor thing.” In comparison to the Bully, our first reaction again might be one of relief. But if we never took responsibility for anything, what would go awry? We’d never change, forever doomed to repeating our mistakes over and over. That is not the Mentor.
If you have ever had an actual Mentor in your life, a good Mentor will not make excuses for you. She would not overly coddle you. The Mentor challenges us to be the best we can be, while still allowing us to be imperfect and human. She encourages you to learn from your mistakes and figure out how not to repeat the mistake in the future. She might get firm with you, but in a respectful and caring way….
Here’s an example to illustrate the relationship you would have with your Mentor. Let’s say that you forget to set your alarm clock and you miss an important meeting at work. Your boss is angry and sends you a heated voicemail. How would your Mentor deal with this? In a serious tone she would say something like, “So, you overslept. This is not OK. We need to find a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again. If we put the alarm clock on our pillow in the morning, we will have to set it before we go to sleep. We had better call our boss and apologize right away. Let’s also talk with Pat to get the notes from the meeting.” Notice that the Mentor often uses the pronoun “we”; this implies that you and she are working together cooperatively. She does not attack you or your personality. Mistakes are viewed as, well, mistakes – a temporary unfortunately event, not as a permanent character flaw.
The Mentor speaks in a respectful tone. You can easily find what I call “the nugget of truth” in what she wants to tell you. In this case the nugget of truth is “Acting in this way goes against our basic values of respect for others and living with integrity. We need to act in a professional way and take responsibility for our mistake.” The Mentor, when necessary, slips into problem solving mode and helps you to see the steps to learn from and correct the mistake. You walk away from this encounter feeling like you are still a worthwhile human.
As the Part moves towards the middle of the continuum, let’s call her The Critic. The Critic has difficulty seeing events objectively, and her behavior, thoughts and attitudes are less balanced. The Critic may be still able to see that mistakes happen but she probably would speak to you roughly, “That was a dumb thing to do! You’d better shape up or all your coworkers will think you’re stupid! You’re lucky that your boss doesn’t fire you.” The Critic uses colorful dramatic language and talks about “you”. Notice in the example above, she uses all-or-nothing thinking, lumping all your coworkers together as a mass entity with only one mind. She immediately runs to the worst-case scenario but does not offer an actual solution other than to vaguely demand, “Shape up”. The same nugget of truth is hidden, but with a bit of sifting we can find it.
If the Part does not get what she needs to stay in balance, she will become more and more extreme in her thinking, acting and attitudes. In this extreme state I call her The Bully. “Oh My God! What the #$%&* is wrong with you! You are completely hopeless! You don’t even deserve this job! I don’t know why your boss puts up with you. If they knew the real you, none of your coworkers would ever talk to you again. If you weren’t so fat, this would never have happened. You can’t eat today…” I’m sure you can fill in the rest. The Bully is abusive, punitive and shaming; she uses humiliation and name-calling as punishments. She will use swearing and profanity even if you normally don’t. The nugget of truth is buried deep beneath layers of shame and judgment. It takes a lot of digging to find it.
The Bully is locked into very distorted perfectionistic black-and-white thinking: If you’re not perfect, you are a Failure! If you made a mistake, you are complete Loser! If one person doesn’t like you, then everybody HATES you! If you are not faultless, then you are Worthless! Through her eyes you don’t make mistakes, you ARE a mistake. You didn’t fail at something, you ARE a failure. She also goes off on a tangent blaming your mistake on your eating or weight – even if there is no logical tie. The punishment does not fit the crime!
Because the Bully talks to you this way over and over, day after day, your younger parts, the Kids, believe her down deep inside, feeling more hopeless, anxious and worthless after each encounter. Each time the Bully criticizes, a core of shame is reawakened. Not to be left out, the Rebels, Distracters, Numb-ers get involved…. Do-si-do, around we go, in this never-ending cycle. The Bully never looks at her role in this cycle, she projects all the blame outward: she is not the problem! You are. She is not responsible! You are. She has to talk to you this way, because you are hopeless! As the Kids feel more hopeless, the Bully yells louder, the Rebels act out, the Bully yells louder…
You would think that after a while the Parts would see that this cycle doesn’t work. But no, in their extreme state they are unable to do this. They are locked into this cycle and cannot get out of it. Since they are unable to do anything else, and are afraid of what would happen if they did nothing, they continue to repeat this cycle forever.
So how do we stop this cycle? How do we get the Bully to stay as the Mentor? Your first reaction is to shut her up, push her away, get rid of her, to hate her. This actually makes the cycle worse. All of the Parts need the same things: They need to know that you won’t try to get rid of them. They want you to listen to what they have to say; they need to feel heard. They want you to appreciate what they are trying to do for you. Lastly, they want you to take care of their needs. Sounds simple? No, this is a slow and difficult process – but I will walk you through it.
_______________________________
Too Much of a Good Thing: Compulsive Exercise
Sarah Fischer
“It gives me a sense of control, a sense of structure.”
“I feel guilty if I don’t do it.” “I schedule other obligations around it.”
You may be surprised to find that the “it” in these statements is exercise. How can exercise, something that has an almost universally positive reputation, be a bad thing? Nevertheless, these statements represent common thoughts and feelings of compulsive exercisers.
Compulsive exercise is listed by ANAD as a warning signs of both anorexia and bulimia. Compulsive exercise can be a way for those who are suffering from a distorted body image and low self-esteem to express their feelings under the pretext of caring for their health. In the current American culture, physical fitness is held up as an ideal and muscular figures are regarded as superior to less sinewy frames. Yet compulsive exercise takes a physical, mental, and emotional toll.
Some of the signs of compulsive exercise include:
-Continuing to exercise even when ill or injured
-Using caloric intake as a basis for the amount of exercise
-Feeling anxious and guilty over missed workouts
-Choosing exercise over other important obligations or relationships
Even Jane Brody, well-known and award-winning Personal Health columnist for the New York Times has acknowledged being, as she describes it, an “obligatory exerciser”. Brody borrowed the description from research done by Dr. John H. Draeger and Dr. Alayne Yates, psychiatrists at the University of Hawaii, and Douglas Crowell, a sports scientist in Honolulu. These researchers use the phrase “obligatory exerciser" to describe those who feel obligated or compelled to continue exercising despite the risk of adverse physiologic or psychological consequences. The consequences can be severe. Compulsive exercise can lead to overuse injuries and can cause lasting bodily damage. Columnist Brody’s compulsive exercise contributed to her developing arthritic knees at a relatively young age. Additionally, compulsive exercise has been linked to depression, anxiety, apathy, chronic fatigue, hostility, and disturbed sleep.
Compulsive exercise may be a difficult behavior to address because of the guise of health compulsive exercise can hind behind. Nevertheless, if you recognize compulsive exercise patterns in yourself or someone else, it is important to address the issue. Listening to your body is a very important part of caring for your physical and emotional health and this is particularly true when you are exercising. Being sure to rest when you feel sore or tired, feeding your body when you are hungry, and seeing a doctor when you have recurring pain are all ways in which to care for yourself when exercising.
Moderation can be very difficult for those with disordered patterns of eating, yet moderation is essential to maintaining a healthy balance with exercise. If you are feeling that you have lost your sense of moderation with your exercise habits, here are a few tips to try and keep (or regain) a sense of balance: vary the type and intensity of your exercise (more specifically, reduce the intensity of your exercise a few times per week); exercise with others; rest at least one or two days per week.
For those who are unable to make major changes in their exercise routine without severe discomfort, small changes may be more appropriate. If you are used to working out for 60 minutes on the StairMaster, chose a day on which you will only work out for 59 minutes. Think about how reducing your exercise for one minute feels.
Many compulsive exercisers are very disconnected from their body and simply paying attention to the sensations in your body when doing your daily routine may help you connect in with the effect your compulsive exercise is having. Connecting the mind and body in other ways, such as meditation or yoga may also prove to be helpful. It is important to recognize that these small changes may result in discomfort for the compulsive exerciser and in order to tolerate this discomfort, other coping mechanisms will need to be employed: calling on a close friend, taking a long bath, having a cup of tea, visiting a favorite spot, etc. If this feels impossible to you, you may want to consider seeking help from a health professional.
Moderate exercise is a part of a healthy lifestyle, but is important to remember that exercise should be an enjoyable part of keeping the body healthy.
Sarah Fischer is a third year graduate student in the Counseling Psychology program at Northwestern University. She sees individual clients and leads a Women's Eating Disorders Therapy group on Monday evenings. She can be reached by calling (773) 929-6262 ext 21.
References:
Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005 http://www.healthierus.gov/dietaryguidelines
Runner’s World; Running Non-stop http://www.runnersworld.com/article
The New York Times; Fit is One Thing; Obsessive Exercise is Another http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/09/health
Something Fishy; Compulsive Exercise; http://www.something-fishy.org
_______________________________
Teens, Food, and Body Image
Why do so many teens feel bad about their bodies?” Being a teenager is stressful. You’re dealing with so many changes and pressures. On top of these you see images in magazines, movies, and TV of models and actors who look “perfect.” It’s easy to get the idea that you can and should look this way. It’s important to know that these people sat for hours getting dressed and made up, then the images are airbrushed and photo-shopped. Normal people will never look that way. The other thing to keep in mind is that, though they might seem like what’s important now, looks are only one part of who you are. Don’t forget your personality, talents, and values. These are really what make you an admirable person.
“What’s wrong with dieting?” Many teens start dieting to lose a few pounds. The problem is, once you start it can be hard to stop. Your diet can become the most important part of your life. Dieting also teaches you to fight with your body. Instead of listening to your body to tell you when it’s hungry and full, you start to follow all kinds of “rules” you read or hear about. Many of these can be bad for your body, and all of them end up being bad for your self-esteem.
“How do I know I have an eating disorder?” If you find yourself worrying about your body, food, and exercise all of the time, you have a problem, which you probably can’t solve on your own. Tell a teacher, counselor, or parent and they will help you find the support you need to get your life back in balance and start feeling better about yourself.
“What if I think my friend has an eating disorder?” Tell her or him in a gentle way what you have noticed and that you are worried about her or him. Encourage her or him to talk to an adult. Your friend may get angry and deny she or he has a problem. You may have to tell her or him that if they do not tell an adult, you will. You are doing the right thing even if your friend does not appreciate it at the time. You might even be saving your friend’s life!
_______________________________
Changes at The Awakening Center
Ashley Samson will begin as an Art Therapy intern in early February. She will have a limited number of appointments for individual and group Art Therapy. (Reduced/sliding fee available) All Art Therapy participates must also be in individual therapy, not necessarily at The Awakening Center. To reserve an appointment contact Amy Grabowski, at ext 11.
We also said goodbye to two professionals:
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer has moved her practice to Oak Park.
Cindy Butler, PhD has moved to Memphis, TN.
_______________________________
Table of Contents:
- Taming “The Bully” – Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
- Too Much of a Good Thing: Compulsive Exercise – Sarah Fischer
- Teens, Food and Body Image
- Changes at The Awakening Center
Taming “The Bully”
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Editor’s Note: Amy is in the process of writing a book about recovering from eating disorders. This is the middle of a chapter about Taming the Bully.
…..If we get rid of the Bully, we would also get rid of the Mentor. Often when the Bully is dominant loud and nasty, you may not be aware of the Mentor. In her positive role, the Mentor manages, organizes and plans our day-to-day life. Think about all the different tasks that the Mentor does: paying bills, organizing schedules, planning social events, managing multiple project deadlines, figuring out finances, and juggling the upkeep of our cars, houses, possessions and our bodies. The list goes on. When something goes wrong, the Mentors tap into their creative thinking skills and take on the role of problem solver, in a non-judgmental non-critical way. In addition, the Mentors want to motivate us; they push us to learn, grow and to move forward in our lives. The Mentor helps us to live our lives with integrity and values. Their goal is for us to be the best we can be. In the long run, the Mentors want us to find fulfillment and meaning in our life.
Sometimes, when picturing the Mentor, a client will take the “non-judgmental non-critical” aspects to extreme as well. Imagine an ideal “Fairy Godmother” who would always let you off the hook, no matter what, without any responsibility or remorse, “That’s OK. You couldn’t help it. Don’t worry about it. You poor thing.” In comparison to the Bully, our first reaction again might be one of relief. But if we never took responsibility for anything, what would go awry? We’d never change, forever doomed to repeating our mistakes over and over. That is not the Mentor.
If you have ever had an actual Mentor in your life, a good Mentor will not make excuses for you. She would not overly coddle you. The Mentor challenges us to be the best we can be, while still allowing us to be imperfect and human. She encourages you to learn from your mistakes and figure out how not to repeat the mistake in the future. She might get firm with you, but in a respectful and caring way….
Here’s an example to illustrate the relationship you would have with your Mentor. Let’s say that you forget to set your alarm clock and you miss an important meeting at work. Your boss is angry and sends you a heated voicemail. How would your Mentor deal with this? In a serious tone she would say something like, “So, you overslept. This is not OK. We need to find a way to make sure this doesn’t happen again. If we put the alarm clock on our pillow in the morning, we will have to set it before we go to sleep. We had better call our boss and apologize right away. Let’s also talk with Pat to get the notes from the meeting.” Notice that the Mentor often uses the pronoun “we”; this implies that you and she are working together cooperatively. She does not attack you or your personality. Mistakes are viewed as, well, mistakes – a temporary unfortunately event, not as a permanent character flaw.
The Mentor speaks in a respectful tone. You can easily find what I call “the nugget of truth” in what she wants to tell you. In this case the nugget of truth is “Acting in this way goes against our basic values of respect for others and living with integrity. We need to act in a professional way and take responsibility for our mistake.” The Mentor, when necessary, slips into problem solving mode and helps you to see the steps to learn from and correct the mistake. You walk away from this encounter feeling like you are still a worthwhile human.
As the Part moves towards the middle of the continuum, let’s call her The Critic. The Critic has difficulty seeing events objectively, and her behavior, thoughts and attitudes are less balanced. The Critic may be still able to see that mistakes happen but she probably would speak to you roughly, “That was a dumb thing to do! You’d better shape up or all your coworkers will think you’re stupid! You’re lucky that your boss doesn’t fire you.” The Critic uses colorful dramatic language and talks about “you”. Notice in the example above, she uses all-or-nothing thinking, lumping all your coworkers together as a mass entity with only one mind. She immediately runs to the worst-case scenario but does not offer an actual solution other than to vaguely demand, “Shape up”. The same nugget of truth is hidden, but with a bit of sifting we can find it.
If the Part does not get what she needs to stay in balance, she will become more and more extreme in her thinking, acting and attitudes. In this extreme state I call her The Bully. “Oh My God! What the #$%&* is wrong with you! You are completely hopeless! You don’t even deserve this job! I don’t know why your boss puts up with you. If they knew the real you, none of your coworkers would ever talk to you again. If you weren’t so fat, this would never have happened. You can’t eat today…” I’m sure you can fill in the rest. The Bully is abusive, punitive and shaming; she uses humiliation and name-calling as punishments. She will use swearing and profanity even if you normally don’t. The nugget of truth is buried deep beneath layers of shame and judgment. It takes a lot of digging to find it.
The Bully is locked into very distorted perfectionistic black-and-white thinking: If you’re not perfect, you are a Failure! If you made a mistake, you are complete Loser! If one person doesn’t like you, then everybody HATES you! If you are not faultless, then you are Worthless! Through her eyes you don’t make mistakes, you ARE a mistake. You didn’t fail at something, you ARE a failure. She also goes off on a tangent blaming your mistake on your eating or weight – even if there is no logical tie. The punishment does not fit the crime!
Because the Bully talks to you this way over and over, day after day, your younger parts, the Kids, believe her down deep inside, feeling more hopeless, anxious and worthless after each encounter. Each time the Bully criticizes, a core of shame is reawakened. Not to be left out, the Rebels, Distracters, Numb-ers get involved…. Do-si-do, around we go, in this never-ending cycle. The Bully never looks at her role in this cycle, she projects all the blame outward: she is not the problem! You are. She is not responsible! You are. She has to talk to you this way, because you are hopeless! As the Kids feel more hopeless, the Bully yells louder, the Rebels act out, the Bully yells louder…
You would think that after a while the Parts would see that this cycle doesn’t work. But no, in their extreme state they are unable to do this. They are locked into this cycle and cannot get out of it. Since they are unable to do anything else, and are afraid of what would happen if they did nothing, they continue to repeat this cycle forever.
So how do we stop this cycle? How do we get the Bully to stay as the Mentor? Your first reaction is to shut her up, push her away, get rid of her, to hate her. This actually makes the cycle worse. All of the Parts need the same things: They need to know that you won’t try to get rid of them. They want you to listen to what they have to say; they need to feel heard. They want you to appreciate what they are trying to do for you. Lastly, they want you to take care of their needs. Sounds simple? No, this is a slow and difficult process – but I will walk you through it.
_______________________________
Too Much of a Good Thing: Compulsive Exercise
Sarah Fischer
“It gives me a sense of control, a sense of structure.”
“I feel guilty if I don’t do it.” “I schedule other obligations around it.”
You may be surprised to find that the “it” in these statements is exercise. How can exercise, something that has an almost universally positive reputation, be a bad thing? Nevertheless, these statements represent common thoughts and feelings of compulsive exercisers.
Compulsive exercise is listed by ANAD as a warning signs of both anorexia and bulimia. Compulsive exercise can be a way for those who are suffering from a distorted body image and low self-esteem to express their feelings under the pretext of caring for their health. In the current American culture, physical fitness is held up as an ideal and muscular figures are regarded as superior to less sinewy frames. Yet compulsive exercise takes a physical, mental, and emotional toll.
Some of the signs of compulsive exercise include:
-Continuing to exercise even when ill or injured
-Using caloric intake as a basis for the amount of exercise
-Feeling anxious and guilty over missed workouts
-Choosing exercise over other important obligations or relationships
Even Jane Brody, well-known and award-winning Personal Health columnist for the New York Times has acknowledged being, as she describes it, an “obligatory exerciser”. Brody borrowed the description from research done by Dr. John H. Draeger and Dr. Alayne Yates, psychiatrists at the University of Hawaii, and Douglas Crowell, a sports scientist in Honolulu. These researchers use the phrase “obligatory exerciser" to describe those who feel obligated or compelled to continue exercising despite the risk of adverse physiologic or psychological consequences. The consequences can be severe. Compulsive exercise can lead to overuse injuries and can cause lasting bodily damage. Columnist Brody’s compulsive exercise contributed to her developing arthritic knees at a relatively young age. Additionally, compulsive exercise has been linked to depression, anxiety, apathy, chronic fatigue, hostility, and disturbed sleep.
Compulsive exercise may be a difficult behavior to address because of the guise of health compulsive exercise can hind behind. Nevertheless, if you recognize compulsive exercise patterns in yourself or someone else, it is important to address the issue. Listening to your body is a very important part of caring for your physical and emotional health and this is particularly true when you are exercising. Being sure to rest when you feel sore or tired, feeding your body when you are hungry, and seeing a doctor when you have recurring pain are all ways in which to care for yourself when exercising.
Moderation can be very difficult for those with disordered patterns of eating, yet moderation is essential to maintaining a healthy balance with exercise. If you are feeling that you have lost your sense of moderation with your exercise habits, here are a few tips to try and keep (or regain) a sense of balance: vary the type and intensity of your exercise (more specifically, reduce the intensity of your exercise a few times per week); exercise with others; rest at least one or two days per week.
For those who are unable to make major changes in their exercise routine without severe discomfort, small changes may be more appropriate. If you are used to working out for 60 minutes on the StairMaster, chose a day on which you will only work out for 59 minutes. Think about how reducing your exercise for one minute feels.
Many compulsive exercisers are very disconnected from their body and simply paying attention to the sensations in your body when doing your daily routine may help you connect in with the effect your compulsive exercise is having. Connecting the mind and body in other ways, such as meditation or yoga may also prove to be helpful. It is important to recognize that these small changes may result in discomfort for the compulsive exerciser and in order to tolerate this discomfort, other coping mechanisms will need to be employed: calling on a close friend, taking a long bath, having a cup of tea, visiting a favorite spot, etc. If this feels impossible to you, you may want to consider seeking help from a health professional.
Moderate exercise is a part of a healthy lifestyle, but is important to remember that exercise should be an enjoyable part of keeping the body healthy.
Sarah Fischer is a third year graduate student in the Counseling Psychology program at Northwestern University. She sees individual clients and leads a Women's Eating Disorders Therapy group on Monday evenings. She can be reached by calling (773) 929-6262 ext 21.
References:
Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005 http://www.healthierus.gov/dietaryguidelines
Runner’s World; Running Non-stop http://www.runnersworld.com/article
The New York Times; Fit is One Thing; Obsessive Exercise is Another http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/09/health
Something Fishy; Compulsive Exercise; http://www.something-fishy.org
_______________________________
Teens, Food, and Body Image
Why do so many teens feel bad about their bodies?” Being a teenager is stressful. You’re dealing with so many changes and pressures. On top of these you see images in magazines, movies, and TV of models and actors who look “perfect.” It’s easy to get the idea that you can and should look this way. It’s important to know that these people sat for hours getting dressed and made up, then the images are airbrushed and photo-shopped. Normal people will never look that way. The other thing to keep in mind is that, though they might seem like what’s important now, looks are only one part of who you are. Don’t forget your personality, talents, and values. These are really what make you an admirable person.
“What’s wrong with dieting?” Many teens start dieting to lose a few pounds. The problem is, once you start it can be hard to stop. Your diet can become the most important part of your life. Dieting also teaches you to fight with your body. Instead of listening to your body to tell you when it’s hungry and full, you start to follow all kinds of “rules” you read or hear about. Many of these can be bad for your body, and all of them end up being bad for your self-esteem.
“How do I know I have an eating disorder?” If you find yourself worrying about your body, food, and exercise all of the time, you have a problem, which you probably can’t solve on your own. Tell a teacher, counselor, or parent and they will help you find the support you need to get your life back in balance and start feeling better about yourself.
“What if I think my friend has an eating disorder?” Tell her or him in a gentle way what you have noticed and that you are worried about her or him. Encourage her or him to talk to an adult. Your friend may get angry and deny she or he has a problem. You may have to tell her or him that if they do not tell an adult, you will. You are doing the right thing even if your friend does not appreciate it at the time. You might even be saving your friend’s life!
_______________________________
Changes at The Awakening Center
Ashley Samson will begin as an Art Therapy intern in early February. She will have a limited number of appointments for individual and group Art Therapy. (Reduced/sliding fee available) All Art Therapy participates must also be in individual therapy, not necessarily at The Awakening Center. To reserve an appointment contact Amy Grabowski, at ext 11.
We also said goodbye to two professionals:
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer has moved her practice to Oak Park.
Cindy Butler, PhD has moved to Memphis, TN.
_______________________________
May-August 2006
Healing the Kid Within: “Neediness”
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Editor’s Note: Amy is in the process of writing a book about recovering from eating disorders. This is the middle of a chapter about Healing the Kids: Neediness.
Willow: “I had a pretty quiet weekend. I stayed home; it was kind of lonely.”
Me: “What stops you from getting together with a friend?”
Willow: “Well, I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, like I was too needy.”
Did you catch the word that triggered Willow’s fear of being a burden? It is a word so foul that every client, and myself in the past as well, will avoid it like the Bubonic Plague: “Needy”. Most of the time, a critical Part will get activated when our Kid/Exile feels needy. Since it is normal for humans to need, what is so wrong with feeling needy? It feels like we are too much, too big, too empty, too deficient, just “too”. Or maybe you identify with Willow’s dilemma, “I feel I always knew I was at once both too much and not enough.” Usually there were people in our past who gave us the message that whatever we needed or wanted, it was too much. I ask, “Too much for who?” When your needs are bigger than the other person’s resources available to fill the need we feel needy. Are you ready for yet another analogy?
Imagine it is a very hot and sunny summer day. You are outside, working hard, digging in a garden. You build up quite a thirst from the heat and hard work. You ask someone for a drink. They walk up to you carrying a pitcher with only a teaspoon of lemonade in it. They pour all of the lemonade in a glass and you drink it. You are still thirsty, but there is no more lemonade. What do you think of this? Are you “needy”? No, you are thirsty. What would you do? Many people say, “If there was no more lemonade I would drink from the hose.” If the person couldn’t do it, you would find another way to fill your need. But because we were talking about thirst, a physical need, usually there is no shame – we would just find resources elsewhere.
But when we talk about emotional needs, such as comfort, patience, reassurance or love, the feelings are different. If we ask someone who does not have the resources available to fill our need, our Kid/Exile is often overcome with shame, “I should be stronger. I shouldn’t want comfort. I’m too needy.”
There are many reasons why someone would not have the resources available to fill our need – take for example a woman who is young when she has several children spaced closely together. If she did not learn healthy ways of coping with stress, her emotional resources may be stretched very thin. If one of the children is a sensitive soul she may need more than the young harried mother has to give. It is easier to say, “Buck up! Quit crying!” than it would be to muster the resources to fill the child’s needs.
If the child’s needs are repeatedly not met, she may internalize the Core Belief that “I am too much. I am too needy.” When this Core Belief is reawakened in the present with a Rubber-band Reaction, the old shame of being too needy will elicit the distorted thinking of emotional reasoning. As illustrated in Willow’s example, we need to use Self-energy and our Logical Parts to discern between the past and the present, between those people we can trust and lean on and those we cannot.
Often, the Kid/Exile is so used to being hurt that she “flinches” in advance just thinking of potential situations that may be risky. When a child is repeatedly hurt, she becomes hyper-vigilant, always on the lookout for potential dangers. Especially in homes where the abuse or anger was random, inconsistent, and unpredictable, the child learned to always be on guard. Predicting the future is the child’s attempt to avoid all dangers and keep herself safe.
Because the Kid/Exile is a child, she feels defenseless to do anything about these situations. Like Willow, our Kid/Exile often feels so anxious she thinks, “I won’t be able to stand it if something goes wrong. I’ll feel horrible forever.” She gets anxious thinking she wouldn’t be able to tolerate the discomfort of the feeling. She fears she will fall apart or go crazy, and may avoid anything that could possibly make her anxious. While the Self is able to learn from situations and grow, the Kid forgets that you’ve already lived through these situations in the past, have been able to stand them before, and will be able to stand them again. The fear of falling apart causes her to avoid new potential risky situations. She dwells on old situations, thinking about them over and over, as if to remind herself of the dangers – each time confirming the fear deeper and deeper…..
Amy Grabowski hopes that the book will be ready to publish this year! In the meantime, she has recorded a Guided Imagery Relaxation CD, “Imagine Being at Peace…”
_______________________________
September-December 2006
Table of Contents:
I Feel Fat! - Making Peace With Your Body
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Editor’s Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book about recovering from eating disorders. Previous excerpts are at: www.awakeningcenter.net/newsletter
“It just hits me out of the blue. I start to feel fat and then I notice how much my stomach sticks out. I’m so disgusted with my body, and I’m sure everyone feels it too. It’s all I can think about.”
“As young as I can remember I’ve always felt too big. My mom used to yell at me, and I would eat and feel fat.”
It doesn’t matter what size a woman wears, what she looks like, or how much she weighs, it is very difficult in our appearance-focused society with its size 0 actresses and daily changes in diet “rules” for a woman to be satisfied with her body. Recently when reading a professional research study, I was appalled to hear that women were eliminated from the control group if they liked their bodies because having some degree of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is considered the “norm”. Think about it. When women get together, where does the conversation inevitably turn? To body dissatisfaction and diets. Its been called “Anorexic Bonding” of women.
In order to give up an eating disorder and become a “normal eater” again, women must give up weight loss as a goal. But it’s hard to give up weight loss when you have negative feelings about your body. Usually, negative feelings about our bodies were the first symptom of our eating disorders. Think back, why did you start your first diet? Because you felt fat or too big. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s often the last symptom to go.
When my clients say to me “I feel fat”, I remind them that “fat” is not an emotion. Feeling fat is almost always a bodily sensation of a displaced or unidentified emotion. Often women who have eating disorders are not aware of what they are feeling, and focusing their attention on their body gives an illusion of control.
As Jane Hirschman and Carol Munter point out in their books Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, “Bad body thoughts are never, ever about your body...But the thing about a bad body thought is that it includes believing that it’s about your body. ” If you do not feel good about your body it is always about something else in your life. If we listen to what we say about our bodies we get clues about what else needs our attention.
We’ll look at “Vanessa” for an example. Let’s say in the middle of a particularly hectic weekday morning after she lost her keys, was late for an appointment, and just received a second notice on a bill she forgot to pay, Vanessa starts to “feel fat”. “My stomach is disgusting! My abs are so flabby!” So Vanessa goes to the health club and does a million sit-ups and works out on the ab-cruncher for a half hour. Sweating and exhausted, she leaves, only to find that she has to return home because she left her briefcase in the kitchen.
The next day, Vanessa realizes that she never got around to returning those phone calls, and rather than doing the bookkeeping and billing, feeling totally out of control, she decides that her abs need another workout.
On the third day, she’s feeling flabbier than ever when she looks at the stacks of paper on her desk. She thinks to herself, “I’ll do it when I get back from the health club”. But day after day she continues to feel powerless against these “flabby feelings”.
As you can guess from this very simple example, when we focus solely on our body, the real issues which cause us to feel a certain way never get addressed. We need to listen to the words we use to describe our body and ask ourselves, “If this isn’t about my body, what in my life feels flabby?” In this example, Vanessa’s paperwork and bookkeeping are flabby. Until she works on the underlying issues (in this case organizing her paperwork, and taking a mindful moment each day to make sure she has everything she needs before leaving home) Vanessa will continue to “feel flabby”. If she makes steps to resolve the underlying issues, her life will change and she will grow, feeling more empowered with each change.
Now, I have nothing against working out. I believe in keeping our bodies healthy, and moving our bodies in enjoyable ways. And if our bodies truly are asking for healthy movement, it is perfectly OK to heed that call. But when we go to the health club looking for something else, we are looking in the wrong place. Linda Harper wrote about this in her book The Tao of Eating. She advocates asking our soul what it is looking for when we want to engage in our eating disordered activities. In the example above, maybe Vanessa’s soul was looking for a sense of control over her life and mistakenly thought that working out would give her that control. Maybe she was looking for a way to “work out” her frustrations caused by her disorganization.
Sometimes these feelings are deeply ingrained from messages we received almost all our lives, from when we were children. Many of my clients have what I call a “zesty spunk” that I find enjoyable and very endearing. But many of them, myself included, were given messages that in order to be loved and loveable, they needed to be different. They were “too much, too loud, too big!” As adults, we still translate these messages onto our bodies. In Rebecca Wells book Divine Secrets of the YA YA Sisterhood, there’s a great example of this:
“Do I look too fat?” Vivi asked.
Sidda could not count the number of times her mother had asked her that question. Now, for the first time, she thought she heard what her mother was really asking: Is there too much of me? Do I need to trim myself back for you?
“No Mama,” Sidda said, “you don’t look fat. There is just enough of you. Not too little. Not too much. In fact, you look exactly right.”…..
….The next time you “feel fat” try asking yourself, “If this isn’t about my body what in my life feels like it needs changing. What is my soul asking for?” That is where you will find your answer.
_______________________________
On The Road to Resilience
Linda Winter
“I’m not resilient!” Marie exclaimed with animation, while self-condemnation and despair battled for the upper hand. More quietly she added, “I don’t feel resilient. I know I should be over this by now, but I’m not.”
Marie had just had another difficult encounter with her ex-husband. It has been four years since the separation and divorce. While neither had been difficult legally, they had taken her by surprise and had rocked her world.
A few days after the above incident, she had regained her balance. Not that she was “over it,” but she had regained her perspective. She was again centered and grounded – her old self. We have been able to talk a couple of times since then about her reaction. Why was she so upset? How does it continue to happen? But, the part I want to share here is our follow up discussion on resiliency.
Webster defines resiliency as the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune.” It has been a popular topic for research. What causes some of us to survive and sometimes do well even in difficult situations, and not others? Researchers identify resiliency as an underlying trait that allows some of us to obtain successful outcomes (succeed) despite adverse circumstances in the environment. They look at characteristics that increase the likelihood of being resilient in each of four areas: personality, thoughts, emotions and behavior. Below is a summary of one compilation of research**.
Characteristics of Resiliency:
Personality
· agreeable temperament
· ability to feel empathy for others, including a perpetrator
· being extroverted and social
Thoughts
· being creative and showing initiative in getting needs met
· being insightful
· having a world view beyond the trauma or upset
Emotions:
· ability to manage emotional reactions
· ability to experience and express a broad range of emotions
· ability to maintain a sense of humor
Behavior:
· ability to be tenacious in pursuit of goals, even when not encouraged or rewarded by others
· ability to actively form positive relationships with others
· being resourceful in challenging circumstances
· ability to self sooth
Now, if you are like me, maybe one of your reactions is, “If someone has all those characteristics, of course they would be resilient! They’d be close to perfect.” And another reaction might be, “If anyone had asked me whether I wanted these characteristics, I would have been the first to volunteer!” Both of these reactions, especially the latter, address an underlying assumption about resiliency – are these characteristics that one is only born with, or can they be learned? There is good news. The consensus is that most of it can be learned.
A review of the list demonstrates that many of the characteristics associated with resiliency are coping skills that can be learned. In fact, if we are honest with ourselves, many of us have already learned some portion of these characteristics.
Resiliency and Learning:
Personality:
· While temperament and extroversion/introversion are tendencies we are born with, we can learn to soften the rough edges and learn behaviors that might not be second nature to us, e.g., increasing calmness or self-assertiveness. One’s ability to be empathetic and socially appropriate can also be practiced and expanded.
Thoughts:
· Increasing options for getting our needs met is a perfect example of developing new coping skills. And, much of therapy is about increasing insight and expanding our perspective.
Emotions:
· Through insight and an expanded arsenal of coping skills, most of us have already addressed our ability to experience, express, and manage our emotional reactions.
Behavior:
· Since few of us are born with innate abilities to be tenacious in pursuit of goals, to develop positive relationships, and to take care of our selves, thankfully these skills can all be developed. Lastly, being resourceful in challenging circumstances means one has developed a healthy sized arsenal of coping skills.
Look at the skills we have already learned toward resiliency! When Marie and I were able to talk later about her reaction to the situation, she observed, “I can see it used to take me weeks to get over upset and disappointment like this. This time it only took a few days.” This time her voice indicated that she was giving herself credit. I like her insight. The point is not that she did not get upset, but that she bounced back quickly. Resiliency is not all-or-nothing, it comes in a range and it can be learned. Marie was able to identify that she was developing resiliency, and that she was resilient. One last observation. I disagree with Webster. I think one can demonstrate resiliency even though it may not be “easily” accomplished.
Linda Winter is a student intern from Northwestern University’s Master’s of Counseling program.
**Nelson Goff, B., and Schwerdtfeger, K. (2004). Chapter 9 The systemic impact of traumatized children. In D. Catherall (Ed.), Handbook of stress, trauma, and the family (pp. 179- 202). New York: Brunner- Routledge
_______________________________
The Use of Art in Therapy
Beth Hennessey
“Art therapy? Why would I want to do something like that? I have some problems, but I certainly don’t have time to draw pictures about them. Besides, that’s kids stuff.” Does that sound like your reaction to art therapy? If so, you may be surprised to learn about the capabilities of art when used in a therapeutic context. I would agree that expressing oneself in an artistic form could be considered, well, different. However, “different” approaches to therapy can often increase an individual’s level of self-awareness. We are so accustomed to only talking about our problems that simply altering how an issue is presented allows many clients to gain new insight about themselves. Understanding ourselves better can be extremely beneficial as we work to integrate change into our lives through therapy.
Art therapy is valuable for many individuals because it breaks issues down into something that is tangible and easily comprehended. I know that it is clichéd, but a picture truly does speak a thousand words. Pictures encapsulate so much meaning about the artist. Just look in a museum at all the paintings, photographs and sculptures. Take a moment to think about the person who created each of the pieces. What does the artwork say about the artist’s environment, interests, or personal style? The art reflects how people perceive the world.
We can speculate about what exactly they were thinking, but only the artist can tell us if we are right. Even when looking at our own photographs, we can interpret what they say about our environment, interests, and personal style. It is important to note that art therapy is not about the aesthetic value of the final product, but rather about the process and the meaning that one gives to the art piece. For these reasons, no previous art experience is necessary. Everyone is unique, which demands that we look within ourselves to find our own meaning of fulfillment, happiness, and health. Art in therapy is just another tool that can help foster this level of self-awareness.
We covered the beneficial aspects of art therapy, but now let’s examine how art is incorporated into a therapy session. The process of creating art in therapy provides an escape for an individual’s reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and even behaviors. The art acts as a receptacle for whatever it is that needs to get out. We talk about these issues all the time, but what if we were able to give them form and physically separate ourselves from them? Art therapy creates distance from reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Think about the possibilities. How much more could we learn about ourselves if we were able to take a step back and just observe? Would problems seem easier or possibly make more sense if they were presented in a tangible form? Only you can answer that.
Beth Hennessey is a graduate student in the Art Therapy Program at The Adler School of Professional Psychology.
Table of Contents:
- I Feel Fat: Making Peace With Your Body – Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
- On The Road to Resilience – Linda Winter
- The Use of Art in Therapy – Beth Hennessey
I Feel Fat! - Making Peace With Your Body
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
Editor’s Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book about recovering from eating disorders. Previous excerpts are at: www.awakeningcenter.net/newsletter
“It just hits me out of the blue. I start to feel fat and then I notice how much my stomach sticks out. I’m so disgusted with my body, and I’m sure everyone feels it too. It’s all I can think about.”
“As young as I can remember I’ve always felt too big. My mom used to yell at me, and I would eat and feel fat.”
It doesn’t matter what size a woman wears, what she looks like, or how much she weighs, it is very difficult in our appearance-focused society with its size 0 actresses and daily changes in diet “rules” for a woman to be satisfied with her body. Recently when reading a professional research study, I was appalled to hear that women were eliminated from the control group if they liked their bodies because having some degree of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is considered the “norm”. Think about it. When women get together, where does the conversation inevitably turn? To body dissatisfaction and diets. Its been called “Anorexic Bonding” of women.
In order to give up an eating disorder and become a “normal eater” again, women must give up weight loss as a goal. But it’s hard to give up weight loss when you have negative feelings about your body. Usually, negative feelings about our bodies were the first symptom of our eating disorders. Think back, why did you start your first diet? Because you felt fat or too big. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s often the last symptom to go.
When my clients say to me “I feel fat”, I remind them that “fat” is not an emotion. Feeling fat is almost always a bodily sensation of a displaced or unidentified emotion. Often women who have eating disorders are not aware of what they are feeling, and focusing their attention on their body gives an illusion of control.
As Jane Hirschman and Carol Munter point out in their books Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, “Bad body thoughts are never, ever about your body...But the thing about a bad body thought is that it includes believing that it’s about your body. ” If you do not feel good about your body it is always about something else in your life. If we listen to what we say about our bodies we get clues about what else needs our attention.
We’ll look at “Vanessa” for an example. Let’s say in the middle of a particularly hectic weekday morning after she lost her keys, was late for an appointment, and just received a second notice on a bill she forgot to pay, Vanessa starts to “feel fat”. “My stomach is disgusting! My abs are so flabby!” So Vanessa goes to the health club and does a million sit-ups and works out on the ab-cruncher for a half hour. Sweating and exhausted, she leaves, only to find that she has to return home because she left her briefcase in the kitchen.
The next day, Vanessa realizes that she never got around to returning those phone calls, and rather than doing the bookkeeping and billing, feeling totally out of control, she decides that her abs need another workout.
On the third day, she’s feeling flabbier than ever when she looks at the stacks of paper on her desk. She thinks to herself, “I’ll do it when I get back from the health club”. But day after day she continues to feel powerless against these “flabby feelings”.
As you can guess from this very simple example, when we focus solely on our body, the real issues which cause us to feel a certain way never get addressed. We need to listen to the words we use to describe our body and ask ourselves, “If this isn’t about my body, what in my life feels flabby?” In this example, Vanessa’s paperwork and bookkeeping are flabby. Until she works on the underlying issues (in this case organizing her paperwork, and taking a mindful moment each day to make sure she has everything she needs before leaving home) Vanessa will continue to “feel flabby”. If she makes steps to resolve the underlying issues, her life will change and she will grow, feeling more empowered with each change.
Now, I have nothing against working out. I believe in keeping our bodies healthy, and moving our bodies in enjoyable ways. And if our bodies truly are asking for healthy movement, it is perfectly OK to heed that call. But when we go to the health club looking for something else, we are looking in the wrong place. Linda Harper wrote about this in her book The Tao of Eating. She advocates asking our soul what it is looking for when we want to engage in our eating disordered activities. In the example above, maybe Vanessa’s soul was looking for a sense of control over her life and mistakenly thought that working out would give her that control. Maybe she was looking for a way to “work out” her frustrations caused by her disorganization.
Sometimes these feelings are deeply ingrained from messages we received almost all our lives, from when we were children. Many of my clients have what I call a “zesty spunk” that I find enjoyable and very endearing. But many of them, myself included, were given messages that in order to be loved and loveable, they needed to be different. They were “too much, too loud, too big!” As adults, we still translate these messages onto our bodies. In Rebecca Wells book Divine Secrets of the YA YA Sisterhood, there’s a great example of this:
“Do I look too fat?” Vivi asked.
Sidda could not count the number of times her mother had asked her that question. Now, for the first time, she thought she heard what her mother was really asking: Is there too much of me? Do I need to trim myself back for you?
“No Mama,” Sidda said, “you don’t look fat. There is just enough of you. Not too little. Not too much. In fact, you look exactly right.”…..
….The next time you “feel fat” try asking yourself, “If this isn’t about my body what in my life feels like it needs changing. What is my soul asking for?” That is where you will find your answer.
_______________________________
On The Road to Resilience
Linda Winter
“I’m not resilient!” Marie exclaimed with animation, while self-condemnation and despair battled for the upper hand. More quietly she added, “I don’t feel resilient. I know I should be over this by now, but I’m not.”
Marie had just had another difficult encounter with her ex-husband. It has been four years since the separation and divorce. While neither had been difficult legally, they had taken her by surprise and had rocked her world.
A few days after the above incident, she had regained her balance. Not that she was “over it,” but she had regained her perspective. She was again centered and grounded – her old self. We have been able to talk a couple of times since then about her reaction. Why was she so upset? How does it continue to happen? But, the part I want to share here is our follow up discussion on resiliency.
Webster defines resiliency as the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune.” It has been a popular topic for research. What causes some of us to survive and sometimes do well even in difficult situations, and not others? Researchers identify resiliency as an underlying trait that allows some of us to obtain successful outcomes (succeed) despite adverse circumstances in the environment. They look at characteristics that increase the likelihood of being resilient in each of four areas: personality, thoughts, emotions and behavior. Below is a summary of one compilation of research**.
Characteristics of Resiliency:
Personality
· agreeable temperament
· ability to feel empathy for others, including a perpetrator
· being extroverted and social
Thoughts
· being creative and showing initiative in getting needs met
· being insightful
· having a world view beyond the trauma or upset
Emotions:
· ability to manage emotional reactions
· ability to experience and express a broad range of emotions
· ability to maintain a sense of humor
Behavior:
· ability to be tenacious in pursuit of goals, even when not encouraged or rewarded by others
· ability to actively form positive relationships with others
· being resourceful in challenging circumstances
· ability to self sooth
Now, if you are like me, maybe one of your reactions is, “If someone has all those characteristics, of course they would be resilient! They’d be close to perfect.” And another reaction might be, “If anyone had asked me whether I wanted these characteristics, I would have been the first to volunteer!” Both of these reactions, especially the latter, address an underlying assumption about resiliency – are these characteristics that one is only born with, or can they be learned? There is good news. The consensus is that most of it can be learned.
A review of the list demonstrates that many of the characteristics associated with resiliency are coping skills that can be learned. In fact, if we are honest with ourselves, many of us have already learned some portion of these characteristics.
Resiliency and Learning:
Personality:
· While temperament and extroversion/introversion are tendencies we are born with, we can learn to soften the rough edges and learn behaviors that might not be second nature to us, e.g., increasing calmness or self-assertiveness. One’s ability to be empathetic and socially appropriate can also be practiced and expanded.
Thoughts:
· Increasing options for getting our needs met is a perfect example of developing new coping skills. And, much of therapy is about increasing insight and expanding our perspective.
Emotions:
· Through insight and an expanded arsenal of coping skills, most of us have already addressed our ability to experience, express, and manage our emotional reactions.
Behavior:
· Since few of us are born with innate abilities to be tenacious in pursuit of goals, to develop positive relationships, and to take care of our selves, thankfully these skills can all be developed. Lastly, being resourceful in challenging circumstances means one has developed a healthy sized arsenal of coping skills.
Look at the skills we have already learned toward resiliency! When Marie and I were able to talk later about her reaction to the situation, she observed, “I can see it used to take me weeks to get over upset and disappointment like this. This time it only took a few days.” This time her voice indicated that she was giving herself credit. I like her insight. The point is not that she did not get upset, but that she bounced back quickly. Resiliency is not all-or-nothing, it comes in a range and it can be learned. Marie was able to identify that she was developing resiliency, and that she was resilient. One last observation. I disagree with Webster. I think one can demonstrate resiliency even though it may not be “easily” accomplished.
Linda Winter is a student intern from Northwestern University’s Master’s of Counseling program.
**Nelson Goff, B., and Schwerdtfeger, K. (2004). Chapter 9 The systemic impact of traumatized children. In D. Catherall (Ed.), Handbook of stress, trauma, and the family (pp. 179- 202). New York: Brunner- Routledge
_______________________________
The Use of Art in Therapy
Beth Hennessey
“Art therapy? Why would I want to do something like that? I have some problems, but I certainly don’t have time to draw pictures about them. Besides, that’s kids stuff.” Does that sound like your reaction to art therapy? If so, you may be surprised to learn about the capabilities of art when used in a therapeutic context. I would agree that expressing oneself in an artistic form could be considered, well, different. However, “different” approaches to therapy can often increase an individual’s level of self-awareness. We are so accustomed to only talking about our problems that simply altering how an issue is presented allows many clients to gain new insight about themselves. Understanding ourselves better can be extremely beneficial as we work to integrate change into our lives through therapy.
Art therapy is valuable for many individuals because it breaks issues down into something that is tangible and easily comprehended. I know that it is clichéd, but a picture truly does speak a thousand words. Pictures encapsulate so much meaning about the artist. Just look in a museum at all the paintings, photographs and sculptures. Take a moment to think about the person who created each of the pieces. What does the artwork say about the artist’s environment, interests, or personal style? The art reflects how people perceive the world.
We can speculate about what exactly they were thinking, but only the artist can tell us if we are right. Even when looking at our own photographs, we can interpret what they say about our environment, interests, and personal style. It is important to note that art therapy is not about the aesthetic value of the final product, but rather about the process and the meaning that one gives to the art piece. For these reasons, no previous art experience is necessary. Everyone is unique, which demands that we look within ourselves to find our own meaning of fulfillment, happiness, and health. Art in therapy is just another tool that can help foster this level of self-awareness.
We covered the beneficial aspects of art therapy, but now let’s examine how art is incorporated into a therapy session. The process of creating art in therapy provides an escape for an individual’s reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and even behaviors. The art acts as a receptacle for whatever it is that needs to get out. We talk about these issues all the time, but what if we were able to give them form and physically separate ourselves from them? Art therapy creates distance from reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Think about the possibilities. How much more could we learn about ourselves if we were able to take a step back and just observe? Would problems seem easier or possibly make more sense if they were presented in a tangible form? Only you can answer that.
Beth Hennessey is a graduate student in the Art Therapy Program at The Adler School of Professional Psychology.