1998 Newsletters
January 1998
ABCD and Dirty Coffee Filters
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
"Someone at work made a comment and before I knew it I was convinced that everyone at the office hated me. I felt so bad that I cried all night." "I don't know what happened. I was feeling OK and then all of a sudden I felt depressed and worthless. I ended up eating all evening."
Sound familiar? My clients tell stories like this all the time. I usually ask them to examine the event and look at what thoughts flashed through their head immediately before the feeling. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, the way that we think about things that happen to us effect the way we feel about ourselves. Often these thoughts are full of distortions and old messages. I recommend a book FEELING GOOD by David Burns which helps to recognize and change our distorted thinking. But I think we have to look even deeper and change the core-beliefs we have about ourselves. I often tell a story that actually happened to me many years ago: I was waiting for an elevator. When the elevator doors opened, a male co-worker stepped out, looked at me, gasped, made a weird face at me and hurried off without saying hello. If this happened to you, how would you react? Most people say they would think, "I must have done something wrong to make him mad at me." "He must think I'm fat." or "He doesn't like me." Consequently they would feel self-doubt, bad about themselves, self-conscious and very self-critical. This would effect what they do the rest of the day. These negative feelings about themselves would make them withdraw or isolate themselves, and lead to binge eating or self-loathing.
After I tell my story, (I'll tell you how it really turned out later), I write ABCD on a piece of paper. A stands for Action: what happened, the actual events: in this case, the man making a face and hurrying off. (These events may or may not be under our control.) C is for Consequence: what we think about what happens and how we feel: "He's mad" and feeling bad. D is for what we Do: how the consequences shape our future behavior: isolating and withdrawal.
I purposely skipped B because our brains process things so fast, we go from Action to Consequence so quickly that we usually are not aware of B. B is our Belief System, what we say about ourselves deep in our core, what our identity is based upon. Many times if we go inside, we will find a small voice that truly believes "There's something inherently wrong with me." "I'm really not good enough." or "I am not likeable or lovable." Most clients would never say things like this about another person, yet regularly think this way about themselves.
Why do we think these things about ourselves? Our belief system is like a coffee filter. When things happen, events trickle through our belief system and the consequence is what comes out, effecting what we do. Our belief system (coffee filter) is full of old messages we received about ourselves when we were children. These messages come from many sources: our culture, society, religion, family, friends, teachers, relatives, etc. These messages may have been very subtle, i.e. a teacher who only chooses boys for the answers in math may be giving a young girl the message that "Girls can't succeed in math." Or only seeing skinny women on TV gives the message that "Women must be skinny to be loved. I'll never get married if I gain weight." If a parent was always angry or depressed, some children "hear" messages that say "You aren't good enough to make me happy." For some, the messages received from their dysfunctional families were very direct: "You'll never amount to anything." Repeated over and over again, children internalize these messages without question to form their belief system.
When we have a lot of negative self-beliefs it is like a very dirty coffee filter. If you never changed your coffee filter, the coffee would taste awful. Since we haven't changed our belief system in a long long time, the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves make us feel awful. In order to feel better about ourselves we need to "clean our coffee filter": change our core belief to healthy self-enhancing ones.
In order to this, we usually need to work with a therapist who is trained in this process. If we try to do this alone, our critical parts may take over and agree with the part that is saying "I'm worthless", thus reinforcing and perpetuating these negative self-beliefs. Often we need someone who can help us mediate between the critic and the "worthless" part so that the two don't become even more extreme in their negative beliefs. We need to turn the critic into an ally, like a friendly coach or manager who will work with us instead of against us. We can ask the coach/manager to positively motivate us so we can accomplish what we really want out of life. Then, with empathy and nurturance we can help the "worthless" part to let go of the burden of worthlessness. (Babies are NOT born hating themselves! And neither were you.) Without the burden of worthlessness, this part can become what it was meant to be: free, playful, allowing us to have fun and see life as enjoyable again.
(Oh by the way, my male coworker was having an asthma attack and had left his inhaler in his briefcase. It had nothing to do with me - or my worth as a person!)
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA can help you work with your parts to change your core belief system. To set up a free initial consultation call: (773) 929-6262 x 1
(She also makes great coffee.)
____________________________________
Food Plan or Not Food Plan? That is the Question...
Elisa D'Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
Our clients recovering from eating disorders ask us repeatedly whether they should be on a "food plan". In this issue, nutrition counselors Elisa D'Urso Fischer and Marianne Evans-Ramsay have written the pros and cons of this hot topic of debate.
As a dietitian, I try to convince my clients of the failures of diets, but they often ask "Wouldn't a food or meal plan help?" The answer is both yes and no. If your eating is very erratic or if you are unsure of what or how much food your body may need, a meal plan may help guide you in planning your meals.
The important word here is "guide". Our bodies' hormone levels, stress level, and activity level can change how much and which foods we need from one day to another. A traditional meal plan may not offer the flexibility to respond to these kinds of changes.
If you feel restricted by a meal plan it will create anxiety and tension between what you feel you "should" eat and what your body may need. This kind of stress - "should you eat or should you stay with the meal plan" can lead to feelings of deprivation, anxiety and eventually bingeing and overeating.
On the other hand, some people find some structure helpful to plan full and balanced meals, to remind themselves of what to pack for lunch, what to buy when food shopping, to feel comfortable adding foods back into their diet or in trying to make sure their meals include enough food.
It is important to remember a meal plan is just one of the many tools that may help in your process of creating a loving, flexible relationship with food.
(If the goal of therapy is to become "normal eaters" we must remember that normal eaters do not eat according to a food plan. If a food plan is needed during recovery because your eating feels so out of control that you have no idea how to eat or how much to eat, it needs to be flexible enough that it does not become another binge trigger. Used as a temporary stepping stone towards normal eating, it can be a useful tool towards recovery. Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC)
__________________________
- ABCD and Dirty Coffee Filters - Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
- Food Plan or Not Food Plan? - Elisa D'Urso-Fischer, RD, LD and Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
ABCD and Dirty Coffee Filters
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
"Someone at work made a comment and before I knew it I was convinced that everyone at the office hated me. I felt so bad that I cried all night." "I don't know what happened. I was feeling OK and then all of a sudden I felt depressed and worthless. I ended up eating all evening."
Sound familiar? My clients tell stories like this all the time. I usually ask them to examine the event and look at what thoughts flashed through their head immediately before the feeling. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, the way that we think about things that happen to us effect the way we feel about ourselves. Often these thoughts are full of distortions and old messages. I recommend a book FEELING GOOD by David Burns which helps to recognize and change our distorted thinking. But I think we have to look even deeper and change the core-beliefs we have about ourselves. I often tell a story that actually happened to me many years ago: I was waiting for an elevator. When the elevator doors opened, a male co-worker stepped out, looked at me, gasped, made a weird face at me and hurried off without saying hello. If this happened to you, how would you react? Most people say they would think, "I must have done something wrong to make him mad at me." "He must think I'm fat." or "He doesn't like me." Consequently they would feel self-doubt, bad about themselves, self-conscious and very self-critical. This would effect what they do the rest of the day. These negative feelings about themselves would make them withdraw or isolate themselves, and lead to binge eating or self-loathing.
After I tell my story, (I'll tell you how it really turned out later), I write ABCD on a piece of paper. A stands for Action: what happened, the actual events: in this case, the man making a face and hurrying off. (These events may or may not be under our control.) C is for Consequence: what we think about what happens and how we feel: "He's mad" and feeling bad. D is for what we Do: how the consequences shape our future behavior: isolating and withdrawal.
I purposely skipped B because our brains process things so fast, we go from Action to Consequence so quickly that we usually are not aware of B. B is our Belief System, what we say about ourselves deep in our core, what our identity is based upon. Many times if we go inside, we will find a small voice that truly believes "There's something inherently wrong with me." "I'm really not good enough." or "I am not likeable or lovable." Most clients would never say things like this about another person, yet regularly think this way about themselves.
Why do we think these things about ourselves? Our belief system is like a coffee filter. When things happen, events trickle through our belief system and the consequence is what comes out, effecting what we do. Our belief system (coffee filter) is full of old messages we received about ourselves when we were children. These messages come from many sources: our culture, society, religion, family, friends, teachers, relatives, etc. These messages may have been very subtle, i.e. a teacher who only chooses boys for the answers in math may be giving a young girl the message that "Girls can't succeed in math." Or only seeing skinny women on TV gives the message that "Women must be skinny to be loved. I'll never get married if I gain weight." If a parent was always angry or depressed, some children "hear" messages that say "You aren't good enough to make me happy." For some, the messages received from their dysfunctional families were very direct: "You'll never amount to anything." Repeated over and over again, children internalize these messages without question to form their belief system.
When we have a lot of negative self-beliefs it is like a very dirty coffee filter. If you never changed your coffee filter, the coffee would taste awful. Since we haven't changed our belief system in a long long time, the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves make us feel awful. In order to feel better about ourselves we need to "clean our coffee filter": change our core belief to healthy self-enhancing ones.
In order to this, we usually need to work with a therapist who is trained in this process. If we try to do this alone, our critical parts may take over and agree with the part that is saying "I'm worthless", thus reinforcing and perpetuating these negative self-beliefs. Often we need someone who can help us mediate between the critic and the "worthless" part so that the two don't become even more extreme in their negative beliefs. We need to turn the critic into an ally, like a friendly coach or manager who will work with us instead of against us. We can ask the coach/manager to positively motivate us so we can accomplish what we really want out of life. Then, with empathy and nurturance we can help the "worthless" part to let go of the burden of worthlessness. (Babies are NOT born hating themselves! And neither were you.) Without the burden of worthlessness, this part can become what it was meant to be: free, playful, allowing us to have fun and see life as enjoyable again.
(Oh by the way, my male coworker was having an asthma attack and had left his inhaler in his briefcase. It had nothing to do with me - or my worth as a person!)
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA can help you work with your parts to change your core belief system. To set up a free initial consultation call: (773) 929-6262 x 1
(She also makes great coffee.)
____________________________________
Food Plan or Not Food Plan? That is the Question...
Elisa D'Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
Our clients recovering from eating disorders ask us repeatedly whether they should be on a "food plan". In this issue, nutrition counselors Elisa D'Urso Fischer and Marianne Evans-Ramsay have written the pros and cons of this hot topic of debate.
As a dietitian, I try to convince my clients of the failures of diets, but they often ask "Wouldn't a food or meal plan help?" The answer is both yes and no. If your eating is very erratic or if you are unsure of what or how much food your body may need, a meal plan may help guide you in planning your meals.
The important word here is "guide". Our bodies' hormone levels, stress level, and activity level can change how much and which foods we need from one day to another. A traditional meal plan may not offer the flexibility to respond to these kinds of changes.
If you feel restricted by a meal plan it will create anxiety and tension between what you feel you "should" eat and what your body may need. This kind of stress - "should you eat or should you stay with the meal plan" can lead to feelings of deprivation, anxiety and eventually bingeing and overeating.
On the other hand, some people find some structure helpful to plan full and balanced meals, to remind themselves of what to pack for lunch, what to buy when food shopping, to feel comfortable adding foods back into their diet or in trying to make sure their meals include enough food.
It is important to remember a meal plan is just one of the many tools that may help in your process of creating a loving, flexible relationship with food.
(If the goal of therapy is to become "normal eaters" we must remember that normal eaters do not eat according to a food plan. If a food plan is needed during recovery because your eating feels so out of control that you have no idea how to eat or how much to eat, it needs to be flexible enough that it does not become another binge trigger. Used as a temporary stepping stone towards normal eating, it can be a useful tool towards recovery. Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC)
__________________________
April 1998
From Critic to Ally
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
In my last article, “ABCD and Dirty Coffee Filters” (Jan. ‘98) I mentioned that we need to turn our internal critic “into an ally, like a friendly coach or manager who will work with us instead of against us”. I realized, by the comments I got that I might as well have been telling you to sprout wings and fly. “How do you turn the critic into an ally? . . . All I get from my critic is a constant stream of verbal abuse - it’s as far from a friendly manager as I can get.”
I am going to attempt to outline the steps that I use to help my clients work with their critic to sort out a cooperative, more productive relationship. (I urge you to work with a therapist to do this, because if the critical part feels threatened it may become even more extreme in its negative behavior.) Before we can change our relationship with the critic, we have to stop wanting to get rid of it. I ask the client to imagine what would happen if the critic ceased to be, if there were absolutely no criticisms in her head. The first reaction is usually a feeling of relief, freedom, or lightness. My next question is “What would go haywire if your critic were gone?” “I would be a slug. I’d never amount to anything. I would be rude and not care about others” are common answers. By establishing that we need our critic, and are not going to get rid of it, our critic will not feel threatened and will be more likely to cooperate with us.
So our first step is to quiet down and listen to the critic in a non-judgmental, impartial way. When I suggest this my clients often look very surprised! “You want me to listen to the critic?!” That’s exactly what they have not wanted to do for a long time. I work with the premise that all of our parts have a positive intention for us: deep down inside all of our parts really want something good for us. But, often the ways they act out these positive intentions cause negative outcomes. By listening and trying to uncover the critic’s positive intention for us, we are attempting to change the relationship we have with our critic.
After listening to the critic, I instruct my client to ask the critic what it is trying to accomplish for her (the client). I have my client imitate the critic’s voice and inflection. At first, the critic’s voice is harsh and loud, “I have to keep harping on her over and over so she won’t screw up so much.” (Sound familiar?) I will repeatedly ask, “But what are you trying to do for her?” I usually will get a pattern of answers like, “I don’t want her to make so many mistakes ......I’m trying to make her more productive.......I’m trying to help her become a better person......I just want her to be happy.” With each progressive question and answer the critic’s voice usually becomes softer, gentler, and more nurturing. I explain to the client that it wasn’t what the critic was trying to say that felt so bad, it was how it was saying it. Often our critic spoke to us in this manner because it was how we were spoken to when we were younger, it was the only way the critic learned how to speak to us. It continued to speak to us in this way, because often we wouldn’t listen to it when it spoke to us in any other way. Over time it adapted a more and more extremely negative voice in order to get our attention.
When we have uncovered the critic’s positive intention, to be happy, then I ask the client if she wants that too. Almost always, the answer is yes. That’s when I suggest to both the client and her critic that they work together to accomplish their common goal, rather than continue to fight each other. “What you’re doing isn’t working, so why not try something different?”
We try to approach it as a “Science Experiment”, for an amount of time, and if it doesn’t work, she and the critic can always go back to their old pattern. Sometimes when it doesn’t feel so permanent, it seems easier to try something new.
We set up an agreement between the client and the critic: the critic is to speak to the client in the soft, gentler, nurturing voice and the client will listen and consider what the critic has said. If the critic slips and speaks in the loud and harsh manner, the client is to gently remind the critic of their agreement. If the client doesn’t listen to the critic when it is soft, gentle and nurturing, it is allowed to “call her on it”.
The critic needs to learn to use language that is rational, rather than the distorted thinking patterns that can be so abusive. I recommend reading Feeling Good by David Burns. By practicing daily the exercises in the book, speaking to yourself in a calm and rational manner will become second nature over time.
Imagine, a new, productive, and cooperative relationship with your critic. Your critic would be like a manager urging you to move forward in your life, and you would feel like you were making progress towards your life’s goals. You would be able to go about your life doing the best you could without constantly running yourself down about not being “perfect”. If you did slip up, the critic would gently reprimand you in a way that would enhance learning from your mistake, so you would be less likely to repeat it. Your fear of making mistakes would be almost non-existent. The critic would feel less harried and more satisfied because real progress would be made. You can do it! Keep working at it! You’re worth it!
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA, LCPC has turned her critic into an ally. If you would like to discuss this article with her, feel free to call her at (773) 929-6262 ext. 1
_______________________________
Handling Carbohydrate Cravings
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
“I crave sweets and starches, but when I try to cut them from my diet, I seem
to binge on them even more. I’m so confused!”
In my opinion, most carbohydrate cravings stem from ups and downs in blood sugar and energy levels. But, like so many other issues relating to food, there is often a strong emotional component. If you are craving sweets, breads and other starches, you may need to take a wholistic look at how often, how much, and what you’re eating, as well as what you’re saying or not saying to yourself about your food.
Recently I spent a few days at a resort where all the meals were provided. Meals were low fat and low calorie, and we ate every 3 hours at scheduled times. Juices and fruits were available at all times. I also kept some snacks in my room just in case I got hungry or needed a “little something”.
What I noticed while at the resort was how “even” I felt. There was great comfort knowing my meals were planned and prepared and that I would be eating every three hours. I gave myself full permission to eat anything, or everything, I was served. It was part of the package so I wasn’t worrying about cost or getting “my money’s worth” out of a meal. The food seemed healthy, nourishing, and consisted of several foods with different textures & flavors....not just a big bowl of one thing. What surprised me was how satisfied I actually felt and that I didn’t have any “sweet attacks”.
Overall, this mini-vacation was a reminder that what I advocate, but don’t always practice, really works to eliminate carbohydrate cravings. First, eating every three hours allows you a chance to get hungry, but not “starved”; your blood sugar levels stay more even. Secondly, make time for eating as important as any other activity. Third, give yourself total permission to eat all, some or none of the food. Fourth, keeping food available allows you to feel comfortable eating or leaving food. Fifth, eating a wide variety of food increases our satisfaction level.
Finally, creating a pleasant, relaxing atmosphere around meals can be a very powerful ally. Learning new ways to manage stress can make a significant difference in your eating. Making small positive changes in the way you feed yourself can make a huge and profound effect in your eating and in your cravings.
______________________________
Enjoy Your Food More
Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
Taste is the # 1 reason people choose food. It overrides cost, convenience, and nutrition. After all, we don’t eat numbers, we eat food! Here are five tips to move you into a new relationship with food.
Carefully examine your thoughts for any hint of food restriction. Eliminate the word “diet” from your vocabulary and from your mind set.
Listen to your body carefully. Make eating a pleasurable, guilt-free experience - and take the time to check out how you really feel after eating various foods.
Recognize the flexibility of normal eating. Normal eating means sometimes you may eat a little too much and sometimes you may not eat quite enough.
Discover nutrition anytime, anywhere. Taste test the amazing variety of new options in the supermarket -- everything from star fruit to pretzel chips.
Try out new recipes. Any recipe is just a beginning -- an opportunity to adapt, modify, and change the details to get great taste and good health in every bite.
__________________________
- From Critic to Ally - Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
- Handling Carbohydrate Cravings - Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
- Enjoy Your Food More - Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
From Critic to Ally
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
In my last article, “ABCD and Dirty Coffee Filters” (Jan. ‘98) I mentioned that we need to turn our internal critic “into an ally, like a friendly coach or manager who will work with us instead of against us”. I realized, by the comments I got that I might as well have been telling you to sprout wings and fly. “How do you turn the critic into an ally? . . . All I get from my critic is a constant stream of verbal abuse - it’s as far from a friendly manager as I can get.”
I am going to attempt to outline the steps that I use to help my clients work with their critic to sort out a cooperative, more productive relationship. (I urge you to work with a therapist to do this, because if the critical part feels threatened it may become even more extreme in its negative behavior.) Before we can change our relationship with the critic, we have to stop wanting to get rid of it. I ask the client to imagine what would happen if the critic ceased to be, if there were absolutely no criticisms in her head. The first reaction is usually a feeling of relief, freedom, or lightness. My next question is “What would go haywire if your critic were gone?” “I would be a slug. I’d never amount to anything. I would be rude and not care about others” are common answers. By establishing that we need our critic, and are not going to get rid of it, our critic will not feel threatened and will be more likely to cooperate with us.
So our first step is to quiet down and listen to the critic in a non-judgmental, impartial way. When I suggest this my clients often look very surprised! “You want me to listen to the critic?!” That’s exactly what they have not wanted to do for a long time. I work with the premise that all of our parts have a positive intention for us: deep down inside all of our parts really want something good for us. But, often the ways they act out these positive intentions cause negative outcomes. By listening and trying to uncover the critic’s positive intention for us, we are attempting to change the relationship we have with our critic.
After listening to the critic, I instruct my client to ask the critic what it is trying to accomplish for her (the client). I have my client imitate the critic’s voice and inflection. At first, the critic’s voice is harsh and loud, “I have to keep harping on her over and over so she won’t screw up so much.” (Sound familiar?) I will repeatedly ask, “But what are you trying to do for her?” I usually will get a pattern of answers like, “I don’t want her to make so many mistakes ......I’m trying to make her more productive.......I’m trying to help her become a better person......I just want her to be happy.” With each progressive question and answer the critic’s voice usually becomes softer, gentler, and more nurturing. I explain to the client that it wasn’t what the critic was trying to say that felt so bad, it was how it was saying it. Often our critic spoke to us in this manner because it was how we were spoken to when we were younger, it was the only way the critic learned how to speak to us. It continued to speak to us in this way, because often we wouldn’t listen to it when it spoke to us in any other way. Over time it adapted a more and more extremely negative voice in order to get our attention.
When we have uncovered the critic’s positive intention, to be happy, then I ask the client if she wants that too. Almost always, the answer is yes. That’s when I suggest to both the client and her critic that they work together to accomplish their common goal, rather than continue to fight each other. “What you’re doing isn’t working, so why not try something different?”
We try to approach it as a “Science Experiment”, for an amount of time, and if it doesn’t work, she and the critic can always go back to their old pattern. Sometimes when it doesn’t feel so permanent, it seems easier to try something new.
We set up an agreement between the client and the critic: the critic is to speak to the client in the soft, gentler, nurturing voice and the client will listen and consider what the critic has said. If the critic slips and speaks in the loud and harsh manner, the client is to gently remind the critic of their agreement. If the client doesn’t listen to the critic when it is soft, gentle and nurturing, it is allowed to “call her on it”.
The critic needs to learn to use language that is rational, rather than the distorted thinking patterns that can be so abusive. I recommend reading Feeling Good by David Burns. By practicing daily the exercises in the book, speaking to yourself in a calm and rational manner will become second nature over time.
Imagine, a new, productive, and cooperative relationship with your critic. Your critic would be like a manager urging you to move forward in your life, and you would feel like you were making progress towards your life’s goals. You would be able to go about your life doing the best you could without constantly running yourself down about not being “perfect”. If you did slip up, the critic would gently reprimand you in a way that would enhance learning from your mistake, so you would be less likely to repeat it. Your fear of making mistakes would be almost non-existent. The critic would feel less harried and more satisfied because real progress would be made. You can do it! Keep working at it! You’re worth it!
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA, LCPC has turned her critic into an ally. If you would like to discuss this article with her, feel free to call her at (773) 929-6262 ext. 1
_______________________________
Handling Carbohydrate Cravings
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
“I crave sweets and starches, but when I try to cut them from my diet, I seem
to binge on them even more. I’m so confused!”
In my opinion, most carbohydrate cravings stem from ups and downs in blood sugar and energy levels. But, like so many other issues relating to food, there is often a strong emotional component. If you are craving sweets, breads and other starches, you may need to take a wholistic look at how often, how much, and what you’re eating, as well as what you’re saying or not saying to yourself about your food.
Recently I spent a few days at a resort where all the meals were provided. Meals were low fat and low calorie, and we ate every 3 hours at scheduled times. Juices and fruits were available at all times. I also kept some snacks in my room just in case I got hungry or needed a “little something”.
What I noticed while at the resort was how “even” I felt. There was great comfort knowing my meals were planned and prepared and that I would be eating every three hours. I gave myself full permission to eat anything, or everything, I was served. It was part of the package so I wasn’t worrying about cost or getting “my money’s worth” out of a meal. The food seemed healthy, nourishing, and consisted of several foods with different textures & flavors....not just a big bowl of one thing. What surprised me was how satisfied I actually felt and that I didn’t have any “sweet attacks”.
Overall, this mini-vacation was a reminder that what I advocate, but don’t always practice, really works to eliminate carbohydrate cravings. First, eating every three hours allows you a chance to get hungry, but not “starved”; your blood sugar levels stay more even. Secondly, make time for eating as important as any other activity. Third, give yourself total permission to eat all, some or none of the food. Fourth, keeping food available allows you to feel comfortable eating or leaving food. Fifth, eating a wide variety of food increases our satisfaction level.
Finally, creating a pleasant, relaxing atmosphere around meals can be a very powerful ally. Learning new ways to manage stress can make a significant difference in your eating. Making small positive changes in the way you feed yourself can make a huge and profound effect in your eating and in your cravings.
______________________________
Enjoy Your Food More
Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
Taste is the # 1 reason people choose food. It overrides cost, convenience, and nutrition. After all, we don’t eat numbers, we eat food! Here are five tips to move you into a new relationship with food.
Carefully examine your thoughts for any hint of food restriction. Eliminate the word “diet” from your vocabulary and from your mind set.
Listen to your body carefully. Make eating a pleasurable, guilt-free experience - and take the time to check out how you really feel after eating various foods.
Recognize the flexibility of normal eating. Normal eating means sometimes you may eat a little too much and sometimes you may not eat quite enough.
Discover nutrition anytime, anywhere. Taste test the amazing variety of new options in the supermarket -- everything from star fruit to pretzel chips.
Try out new recipes. Any recipe is just a beginning -- an opportunity to adapt, modify, and change the details to get great taste and good health in every bite.
__________________________
December 1998
Overwhelmed!
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
As I write this article, I am surrounded by boxes, items to be packed, lists of things to do and phone calls to be made for the closing of the sale of our house in two weeks. I also have laundry to be washed, groceries to be bought, and dishes waiting in the sink. Not to mention the many projects that I am working on at The Awakening Center. To say the least, I am feeling OVERWHELMED!!!
In the support group, many times the women complain that they are feeling overwhelmed. And I wonder, what contributes to this feeling, and what can we do to take care of ourselves when this feeling strikes.
I think back to several months ago when my husband and I first talked with a Realtor about what we needed to do to put our house on the market. “Joe” excitedly talked on and on about home repairs, listings, showings, inspections, surveys, insurance, contracts, mortgage preapprovals, closings, etc., etc., etc. I started thinking, “I’ll never get all this done all by myself. I can’t do it.” My heart started beating quickly, my breathing was shallow and rapid, and I just wanted to get up and leave. “Joe” looked at me and stopped, and then calmly said the exact words I needed to hear at that time: “Just do one thing a day towards your goal.” Without knowing it, he gave me a gift that I have used many times in the past months.
“Just do one thing a day towards your goal.” Why were those words so magical? First it was very reassuring that someone realized that I was feeling overwhelmed. I wasn’t shamed for these feelings, nor was I made to think I was somehow abnormal. It’s normal and human to feel overwhelmed at times in our lives. (Sometimes Life really knows how to dish it out!) Secondly, his words also said to me, “You are capable and competent and you can do this.” But I didn’t have to do it alone. I wasn’t selling this house by myself, my husband was part of this deal too. It was OK for me to ask for help, not because I was weak or incompetent or not good enough, but because I was human. Humans don’t know everything, and there are many other people who know a lot about these subjects who could be called on for their expertise. Thirdly, it reminded me of some basic time management skills I already had but in the moment had forgotten, another normal human thing to do. Skills such as setting goals, breaking goals down into small but manageable steps, and putting the steps in order by priority can be invaluable when feeling overwhelmed. (If you are unfamiliar with time management skills you may want to read: “How To Get Control of Your Time and Your Life” by Alan LaKein, the guru of time management.)
Fourth, it also said to me I didn’t have to do everything at once. All I had to do is one thing a day. One thing. I could do that. So for these past months whenever I felt overwhelmed, I would repeat “Joe’s” words to myself like a mantra: “Just do one thing a day towards your goal.”
Its easier to do one thing towards your goal when there are definite steps, like selling a house. Many times though, our goal is vague and the steps are undefined. So we first need to define our goal. What is your goal? Is it to find a fulfilling career? Is it to feel confident and competent? Is it to eat in tune with your body signals for hunger and fullness? Is it to have healthy relationships?
Then, write down a series of steps towards that goal. Writing them down and putting the steps in a prominent place reminds us of what we can do to achieve our goal. It really doesn’t matter what the steps are, anything is better than nothing. (We are so quick to discount ourselves by saying something isn’t good enough. Remember, “Progress, Not Perfection”.)
Some steps you will be able to do by yourself, but for other steps you will need help. Are there friends or family members who are safe and supportive to help you with some of the steps? You could also seek out a support group or class. What professionals have expertise in these kinds of goals? Setting priority for the steps sometimes keeps us from getting bogged down and frustrated because we haven’t done some of the preliminary work first. For example, when I called about the mortgage preapproval, I hadn’t looked up my past tax records. Therefore, I couldn’t answer their questions. I didn’t “fail” at the step, I just had to backtrack and do another step first. But if you spend a lot of time worrying about what “should” be done first, second, third, then maybe its best to pick a step, any step, and “just do it”.
Many times after I did my one thing, I would be on a roll and continue to do more things. But there were other days that I only had the emotional or physical energy to do one small thing, and I even skipped some days entirely. (I had to be kind and gentle with myself, remembering I’m only human.) But as it became easier and easier to see progress, those days were less and less often.
I also recommend having a sense of humor while working towards your goal. Go rent the video, “What About Bob?” and laugh at Bill Murray as he babysteps his way towards progress.
Make it part of your morning ritual to say to yourself, “What one thing will I do towards my goal today?” Then at the end of the day it is rewarding to reflect back on our progress. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA, LCPC, has over 12 years experience working with individuals and groups to help them achieve their goals. If you have questions, she can be reached by calling (773) 929-6262 ext 1.
__________________________________
Changing Our Terminology
Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
For years, I have recommended that clients avoid viewing foods as “good” and “bad”, “legal” and “illegal”, “healthy” and “unhealthy”. This kind of terminology is simplistic and full of value judgments. Yet, eliminating these from our vocabulary leaves a void when we try to categorize foods. Keeping in touch with other professionals who also practice nondieting work recently led me to some new terms: “supportive” and “nonsupportive”. The use of supportive/nonsupportive requires that one look not only at the nutritional quality of a food, but also an individual’s physical and emotional needs. One must also con-sider that a food may be supportive one day and nonsupportive the next. Rather than asking yourself if a food is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, the question would become: “Would eating this food be supportive (or not supportive) of my health (or recovery) at this time?”
The answer to this question enhances awareness of the eating process and your changing relationship with food.
Here are some examples to illustrate how you would categorize foods with these new terms. Let’s consider broccoli and chocolate as representatives of a supposedly “good” food and a “bad” food.
Situation 1: You decided to eat steamed broccoli for dinner with nothing else. Although you selected broccoli because it is a healthful food and you selected a whole plateful, you are well aware that your dinner only had 50 calories and no fat. SUPPORTIVE OR NONSUPPORTIVE?
The broccoli does not contain enough calories to delay hunger until the next meal. It also does not provide protein and other needed nutrients. In addition, the broccoli was consumed with a dieting mindset: Nonsupportive. Situation 2: You’ve had a relaxing dinner and are comfortably full. You remember the chocolates your guest brought and eat four of them, thoroughly tasting and enjoying each one. You would like another, but decide against it because another chocolate would probably push you past feeling comfortably full. SUPPORTIVE OR NONSUPPORTIVE?
You considered your hunger level and had a clear understanding of why you were eating them, for pure enjoyment. Listening to your body you decided to stop at four chocolates, knowing you can have more later. Supportive. As you search for new ways to talk to yourself about your food choices begin trying out these terms and let me know what happens.
__________________________________
Is Sugar Addictive?
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
“I often feel driven to eat sweets and once I’ve started I feel a craving to have more and more sugar for the rest of the day. I’ve heard that sugar is addictive, is that true?” People frequently ask me this question. Sugar is not addictive in the same way that drugs like nicotine, caffein, alcohol or cocaine are addictive. The mechanism for how sugar affects your body is very different from these truly addictive drugs.
Eating a sugar laden snack or meal will cause a rapid increase in our body’s blood sugar level. This often feels good, especially if we have not eaten in a while and our blood sugar level was low. The body responds to the rapid surge in blood sugar by releasing insulin which helps to bring the sugar level down. The problem with high sugar foods is they cause this initial burst in blood sugar but then that’s it... They sort of fizzle out, they have no lasting power.
Meanwhile your body is releasing this insulin which can wind up causing low blood sugar. Guess what low blood sugar triggers? That’s right, a drive to eat foods which will bring up the blood sugar and you know from experience, that’s more sugar. It can be a vicious cycle and feel very “addictive”. Some people are more sensitive to their body’s reactions to sugar “highs” and “lows” than others. The rush they feel from sweets may be why they feel so addictive.
Now add this, high carbohydrate intake (sugar is a high carbohydrate food) increases the body’s ability to make serotonin. Serotonin helps us to “feel good”; some anti-depressants work by helping the body maintain higher serotonin levels. For some people, sweets may help increase serotonin levels acting like a “natural anti-depressant”. So what does all this mean in regards to sugar and sweets? My recommendations include:
1) Work to make sweets “legal”. Making any foods “forbidden” or “bad” can make them “glitter” and add to their attraction and mystique, and then you feel shame or guilt when you do eat them.
2) Try to avoid “low blood sugar” by eating smaller meals more often, every 3 to 4 hours.
3) Include protein foods: lean meats, cheese, fish, nuts and beans. These foods are converted to blood sugar several hours after eaten on an “as needed” basis and help prevent low blood sugar.
- Overwhelmed! - Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
- Changing Our Terminology - Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
- Is Sugar Addictive? - Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
Overwhelmed!
Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC
As I write this article, I am surrounded by boxes, items to be packed, lists of things to do and phone calls to be made for the closing of the sale of our house in two weeks. I also have laundry to be washed, groceries to be bought, and dishes waiting in the sink. Not to mention the many projects that I am working on at The Awakening Center. To say the least, I am feeling OVERWHELMED!!!
In the support group, many times the women complain that they are feeling overwhelmed. And I wonder, what contributes to this feeling, and what can we do to take care of ourselves when this feeling strikes.
I think back to several months ago when my husband and I first talked with a Realtor about what we needed to do to put our house on the market. “Joe” excitedly talked on and on about home repairs, listings, showings, inspections, surveys, insurance, contracts, mortgage preapprovals, closings, etc., etc., etc. I started thinking, “I’ll never get all this done all by myself. I can’t do it.” My heart started beating quickly, my breathing was shallow and rapid, and I just wanted to get up and leave. “Joe” looked at me and stopped, and then calmly said the exact words I needed to hear at that time: “Just do one thing a day towards your goal.” Without knowing it, he gave me a gift that I have used many times in the past months.
“Just do one thing a day towards your goal.” Why were those words so magical? First it was very reassuring that someone realized that I was feeling overwhelmed. I wasn’t shamed for these feelings, nor was I made to think I was somehow abnormal. It’s normal and human to feel overwhelmed at times in our lives. (Sometimes Life really knows how to dish it out!) Secondly, his words also said to me, “You are capable and competent and you can do this.” But I didn’t have to do it alone. I wasn’t selling this house by myself, my husband was part of this deal too. It was OK for me to ask for help, not because I was weak or incompetent or not good enough, but because I was human. Humans don’t know everything, and there are many other people who know a lot about these subjects who could be called on for their expertise. Thirdly, it reminded me of some basic time management skills I already had but in the moment had forgotten, another normal human thing to do. Skills such as setting goals, breaking goals down into small but manageable steps, and putting the steps in order by priority can be invaluable when feeling overwhelmed. (If you are unfamiliar with time management skills you may want to read: “How To Get Control of Your Time and Your Life” by Alan LaKein, the guru of time management.)
Fourth, it also said to me I didn’t have to do everything at once. All I had to do is one thing a day. One thing. I could do that. So for these past months whenever I felt overwhelmed, I would repeat “Joe’s” words to myself like a mantra: “Just do one thing a day towards your goal.”
Its easier to do one thing towards your goal when there are definite steps, like selling a house. Many times though, our goal is vague and the steps are undefined. So we first need to define our goal. What is your goal? Is it to find a fulfilling career? Is it to feel confident and competent? Is it to eat in tune with your body signals for hunger and fullness? Is it to have healthy relationships?
Then, write down a series of steps towards that goal. Writing them down and putting the steps in a prominent place reminds us of what we can do to achieve our goal. It really doesn’t matter what the steps are, anything is better than nothing. (We are so quick to discount ourselves by saying something isn’t good enough. Remember, “Progress, Not Perfection”.)
Some steps you will be able to do by yourself, but for other steps you will need help. Are there friends or family members who are safe and supportive to help you with some of the steps? You could also seek out a support group or class. What professionals have expertise in these kinds of goals? Setting priority for the steps sometimes keeps us from getting bogged down and frustrated because we haven’t done some of the preliminary work first. For example, when I called about the mortgage preapproval, I hadn’t looked up my past tax records. Therefore, I couldn’t answer their questions. I didn’t “fail” at the step, I just had to backtrack and do another step first. But if you spend a lot of time worrying about what “should” be done first, second, third, then maybe its best to pick a step, any step, and “just do it”.
Many times after I did my one thing, I would be on a roll and continue to do more things. But there were other days that I only had the emotional or physical energy to do one small thing, and I even skipped some days entirely. (I had to be kind and gentle with myself, remembering I’m only human.) But as it became easier and easier to see progress, those days were less and less often.
I also recommend having a sense of humor while working towards your goal. Go rent the video, “What About Bob?” and laugh at Bill Murray as he babysteps his way towards progress.
Make it part of your morning ritual to say to yourself, “What one thing will I do towards my goal today?” Then at the end of the day it is rewarding to reflect back on our progress. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
AMY GRABOWSKI, MA, LCPC, has over 12 years experience working with individuals and groups to help them achieve their goals. If you have questions, she can be reached by calling (773) 929-6262 ext 1.
__________________________________
Changing Our Terminology
Marianne Evans-Ramsay, RD, LD
For years, I have recommended that clients avoid viewing foods as “good” and “bad”, “legal” and “illegal”, “healthy” and “unhealthy”. This kind of terminology is simplistic and full of value judgments. Yet, eliminating these from our vocabulary leaves a void when we try to categorize foods. Keeping in touch with other professionals who also practice nondieting work recently led me to some new terms: “supportive” and “nonsupportive”. The use of supportive/nonsupportive requires that one look not only at the nutritional quality of a food, but also an individual’s physical and emotional needs. One must also con-sider that a food may be supportive one day and nonsupportive the next. Rather than asking yourself if a food is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, the question would become: “Would eating this food be supportive (or not supportive) of my health (or recovery) at this time?”
The answer to this question enhances awareness of the eating process and your changing relationship with food.
Here are some examples to illustrate how you would categorize foods with these new terms. Let’s consider broccoli and chocolate as representatives of a supposedly “good” food and a “bad” food.
Situation 1: You decided to eat steamed broccoli for dinner with nothing else. Although you selected broccoli because it is a healthful food and you selected a whole plateful, you are well aware that your dinner only had 50 calories and no fat. SUPPORTIVE OR NONSUPPORTIVE?
The broccoli does not contain enough calories to delay hunger until the next meal. It also does not provide protein and other needed nutrients. In addition, the broccoli was consumed with a dieting mindset: Nonsupportive. Situation 2: You’ve had a relaxing dinner and are comfortably full. You remember the chocolates your guest brought and eat four of them, thoroughly tasting and enjoying each one. You would like another, but decide against it because another chocolate would probably push you past feeling comfortably full. SUPPORTIVE OR NONSUPPORTIVE?
You considered your hunger level and had a clear understanding of why you were eating them, for pure enjoyment. Listening to your body you decided to stop at four chocolates, knowing you can have more later. Supportive. As you search for new ways to talk to yourself about your food choices begin trying out these terms and let me know what happens.
__________________________________
Is Sugar Addictive?
Elisa D’Urso-Fischer, RD, LD
“I often feel driven to eat sweets and once I’ve started I feel a craving to have more and more sugar for the rest of the day. I’ve heard that sugar is addictive, is that true?” People frequently ask me this question. Sugar is not addictive in the same way that drugs like nicotine, caffein, alcohol or cocaine are addictive. The mechanism for how sugar affects your body is very different from these truly addictive drugs.
Eating a sugar laden snack or meal will cause a rapid increase in our body’s blood sugar level. This often feels good, especially if we have not eaten in a while and our blood sugar level was low. The body responds to the rapid surge in blood sugar by releasing insulin which helps to bring the sugar level down. The problem with high sugar foods is they cause this initial burst in blood sugar but then that’s it... They sort of fizzle out, they have no lasting power.
Meanwhile your body is releasing this insulin which can wind up causing low blood sugar. Guess what low blood sugar triggers? That’s right, a drive to eat foods which will bring up the blood sugar and you know from experience, that’s more sugar. It can be a vicious cycle and feel very “addictive”. Some people are more sensitive to their body’s reactions to sugar “highs” and “lows” than others. The rush they feel from sweets may be why they feel so addictive.
Now add this, high carbohydrate intake (sugar is a high carbohydrate food) increases the body’s ability to make serotonin. Serotonin helps us to “feel good”; some anti-depressants work by helping the body maintain higher serotonin levels. For some people, sweets may help increase serotonin levels acting like a “natural anti-depressant”. So what does all this mean in regards to sugar and sweets? My recommendations include:
1) Work to make sweets “legal”. Making any foods “forbidden” or “bad” can make them “glitter” and add to their attraction and mystique, and then you feel shame or guilt when you do eat them.
2) Try to avoid “low blood sugar” by eating smaller meals more often, every 3 to 4 hours.
3) Include protein foods: lean meats, cheese, fish, nuts and beans. These foods are converted to blood sugar several hours after eaten on an “as needed” basis and help prevent low blood sugar.