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Table of Contents:
I Feel Fat! - Making Peace With Your Body Editor’s Note: This is an excerpt from Amy’s upcoming book about recovering from eating disorders. Previous excerpts are at: www.awakeningcenter.net/newsletter “It just hits me out of the blue. I start to feel fat and then I notice how much my stomach sticks out. I’m so disgusted with my body, and I’m sure everyone feels it too. It’s all I can think about.” It doesn’t matter what size a woman wears, what she looks like, or how much she weighs, it is very difficult in our appearance-focused society with its size 0 actresses and daily changes in diet “rules” for a woman to be satisfied with her body. Recently when reading a professional research study, I was appalled to hear that women were eliminated from the control group if they liked their bodies because having some degree of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is considered the “norm”. Think about it. When women get together, where does the conversation inevitably turn? To body dissatisfaction and diets. Its been called “Anorexic Bonding” of women. In order to give up an eating disorder and become a “normal eater” again, women must give up weight loss as a goal. But it’s hard to give up weight loss when you have negative feelings about your body. Usually, negative feelings about our bodies were the first symptom of our eating disorders. Think back, why did you start your first diet? Because you felt fat or too big. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s often the last symptom to go. When my clients say to me “I feel fat”, I remind them that “fat” is not an emotion. Feeling fat is almost always a bodily sensation of a displaced or unidentified emotion. Often women who have eating disorders are not aware of what they are feeling, and focusing their attention on their body gives an illusion of control. As Jane Hirschman and Carol Munter point out in their books Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, “Bad body thoughts are never, ever about your body...But the thing about a bad body thought is that it includes believing that it’s about your body. ” If you do not feel good about your body it is always about something else in your life. If we listen to what we say about our bodies we get clues about what else needs our attention. We’ll look at “Vanessa” for an example. Let’s say in the middle of a particularly hectic weekday morning after she lost her keys, was late for an appointment, and just received a second notice on a bill she forgot to pay, Vanessa starts to “feel fat”. “My stomach is disgusting! My abs are so flabby!” So Vanessa goes to the health club and does a million sit-ups and works out on the ab-cruncher for a half hour. Sweating and exhausted, she leaves, only to find that she has to return home because she left her briefcase in the kitchen. The next day, Vanessa realizes that she never got around to returning those phone calls, and rather than doing the bookkeeping and billing, feeling totally out of control, she decides that her abs need another workout. On the third day, she’s feeling flabbier than ever when she looks at the stacks of paper on her desk. She thinks to herself, “I’ll do it when I get back from the health club”. But day after day she continues to feel powerless against these “flabby feelings”. As you can guess from this very simple example, when we focus solely on our body, the real issues which cause us to feel a certain way never get addressed. We need to listen to the words we use to describe our body and ask ourselves, “If this isn’t about my body, what in my life feels flabby?” In this example, Vanessa’s paperwork and bookkeeping are flabby. Until she works on the underlying issues (in this case organizing her paperwork, and taking a mindful moment each day to make sure she has everything she needs before leaving home) Vanessa will continue to “feel flabby”. If she makes steps to resolve the underlying issues, her life will change and she will grow, feeling more empowered with each change. Now, I have nothing against working out. I believe in keeping our bodies healthy, and moving our bodies in enjoyable ways. And if our bodies truly are asking for healthy movement, it is perfectly OK to heed that call. But when we go to the health club looking for something else, we are looking in the wrong place. Linda Harper wrote about this in her book The Tao of Eating. She advocates asking our soul what it is looking for when we want to engage in our eating disordered activities. In the example above, maybe Vanessa’s soul was looking for a sense of control over her life and mistakenly thought that working out would give her that control. Maybe she was looking for a way to “work out” her frustrations caused by her disorganization. Sometimes these feelings are deeply ingrained from messages we received almost all our lives, from when we were children. Many of my clients have what I call a “zesty spunk” that I find enjoyable and very endearing. But many of them, myself included, were given messages that in order to be loved and loveable, they needed to be different. They were “too much, too loud, too big!” As adults, we still translate these messages onto our bodies. In Rebecca Wells book Divine Secrets of the YA YA Sisterhood, there’s a great example of this: “Do I look too fat?” Vivi asked. Sidda could not count the number of times her mother had asked her that question. Now, for the first time, she thought she heard what her mother was really asking: Is there too much of me? Do I need to trim myself back for you? “No Mama,” Sidda said, “you don’t look fat. There is just enough of you. Not too little. Not too much. In fact, you look exactly right.”….. ….The next time you “feel fat” try asking yourself, “If this isn’t about my body what in my life feels like it needs changing. What is my soul asking for?” That is where you will find your answer. Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC is offering a Body Image Workshop: “Making Peace with Our Bodies” on Saturday October 14. Please see box below for more info. Imagine Being At Peace… Amy has recently recorded a relaxation CD: “Imagine Being at Peace….” A Guided Imagery Meditation CD. Here is a description: When you silence the clamoring in your head and ease the tension in your body, you’ll find a quiet, calm, place of peace, a deep-seated sense of strength, and a wisdom that knows you already have all the resources you need within.Discover your Self, the person you were meant to be! Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPCThe Awakening Center On The Road to Resilience “I’m not resilient!” Marie exclaimed with animation, while self-condemnation and despair battled for the upper hand. More quietly she added, “I don’t feel resilient. I know I should be over this by now, but I’m not.” Marie had just had another difficult encounter with her ex-husband. It has been four years since the separation and divorce. While neither had been difficult legally, they had taken her by surprise and had rocked her world. A few days after the above incident, she had regained her balance. Not that she was “over it,” but she had regained her perspective. She was again centered and grounded – her old self. We have been able to talk a couple of times since then about her reaction. Why was she so upset? How does it continue to happen? But, the part I want to share here is our follow up discussion on resiliency. Characteristics of Resiliency: Now, if you are like me, maybe one of your reactions is, “If someone has all those characteristics, of course they would be resilient! They’d be close to perfect.” And another reaction might be, “If anyone had asked me whether I wanted these characteristics, I would have been the first to volunteer!” Both of these reactions, especially the latter, address an underlying assumption about resiliency – are these characteristics that one is only born with, or can they be learned? There is good news. The consensus is that most of it can be learned. A review of the list demonstrates that many of the characteristics associated with resiliency are coping skills that can be learned. In fact, if we are honest with ourselves, many of us have already learned some portion of these characteristics. Resiliencey and Learning: Look at the skills we have already learned toward resiliency! When Marie and I were able to talk later about her reaction to the situation, she observed, “I can see it used to take me weeks to get over upset and disappointment like this. This time it only took a few days.” This time her voice indicated that she was giving herself credit. I like her insight. The point is not that she did not get upset, but that she bounced back quickly. Resiliency is not all-or-nothing, it comes in a range and it can be learned. Marie was able to identify that she was developing resiliency, and that she was resilient. One last observation. I disagree with Webster. I think one can demonstrate resiliency even though it may not be “easily” accomplished. Linda Winter is a student intern from Northwestern University’s Master’s of Counseling program. She will be at the Awakening Center until June 2007. Currently she runs the Wednesday night Women’s Therapy Group and provides individual therapy for low fee clients. She can be reached at ext 22. The Use of Art in Therapy “Art therapy? Why would I want to do something like that? I have some problems, but I certainly don’t have time to draw pictures about them. Besides, that’s kids stuff.” Does that sound like your reaction to art therapy? If so, you may be surprised to learn about the capabilities of art when used in a therapeutic context. I would agree that expressing oneself in an artistic form could be considered, well, different. However, “different” approaches to therapy can often increase an individual’s level of self-awareness. We are so accustomed to only talking about our problems that simply altering how an issue is presented allows many clients to gain new insight about themselves. Understanding ourselves better can be extremely beneficial as we work to integrate change into our lives through therapy. Art therapy is valuable for many individuals because it breaks issues down into something that is tangible and easily comprehended. I know that it is clichéd, but a picture truly does speak a thousand words. Pictures encapsulate so much meaning about the artist. Just look in a museum at all the paintings, photographs and sculptures. Take a moment to think about the person who created each of the pieces. What does the artwork say about the artist’s environment, interests, or personal style? The art reflects how people perceive the world. We can speculate about what exactly they were thinking, but only the artist can tell us if we are right. Even when looking at our own photographs, we can interpret what they say about our environment, interests, and personal style. It is important to note that art therapy is not about the aesthetic value of the final product, but rather about the process and the meaning that one gives to the art piece. For these reasons, no previous art experience is necessary. Everyone is unique, which demands that we look within ourselves to find our own meaning of fulfillment, happiness, and health. Art in therapy is just another tool that can help foster this level of self-awareness. We covered the beneficial aspects of art therapy, but now let’s examine how art is incorporated into a therapy session. The process of creating art in therapy provides an escape for an individual’s reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and even behaviors. The art acts as a receptacle for whatever it is that needs to get out. We talk about these issues all the time, but what if we were able to give them form and physically separate ourselves from them? Art therapy creates distance from reoccurring thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Think about the possibilities. How much more could we learn about ourselves if we were able to take a step back and just observe? Would problems seem easier or possibly make more sense if they were presented in a tangible form? Only you can answer that. If you are interested or just curious, I encourage you to give art therapy a try on Saturday October 7, from 1-4pm: “Introduction to Art Therapy Workshop”. See info below or call me at ext 21. Beth Hennessey is a graduate student in the Art Therapy Program at The Adler School of Professional Psychology. She sees individual clients for Art Therapy and runs an Art Therapy group on Thursday evenings. She can be reached by calling (773) 929-6262, ext 21.
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